It’s the Goopiest time of the year.
Gwyneth Paltrow has once again revealed her present picks for the holiday season via Goop’s 2022 holiday gift guide — and from a $28,500 Kiki de Montparnasse sex chair (sorry, “boudoir chaise”) to a $420 Gucci pouch for your pup’s poop bags, there’s truly something for everyone on your list.
While Paltrow and co. helpfully divided their many recommended gifts into categories — there are separate guides for men, cooks, hosts, travelers, kids, etc. — the real highlight, as usual, is the “ridiculous but awesome” grouping, packed with presents that are absurd in price, in concept or both.
There’s also a NSFW guide for lovers, which features aphrodisiac uni ($120) and a Roy Lichtenstein nude ($99,950) in addition to the usual lingerie, vibrators and vagina candles ($75).
Below, see (and shop, if you so desire) 10 of Goop’s wildest holiday gift picks.
Gucci GG Waste Bag Holder ($420)
So your pampered pooch can poo in style.
Rowan Hair Color Kit for Dogs ($50)
Speaking of pups — is yours a party animal? Say bye-bye to boring fur with this vegan, veterinary dermatologist-approved set of bold and bright color sticks. There’s even a “coat shimmer” for a splash of sparkle.
Higherdose Two-Person Infrared Sauna ($8,099)
Why go to the spa when you can bring it home with you? This tricked-out sauna includes low-EMF carbon and ceramic heaters, LED lights and Bluetooth or AUX capabilities for a hot and sweaty session featuring your favorite tunes.
Bolin Webb 24-Karat Gold Razor Set ($425)
Though it may be fitted with the same Gillette blades you can pick up at the drugstore, this razor is no disposable item. The 24-karat gold handle matches its equally sleek base, which is more of an art piece than a shower tool.
Kiki de Montparnasse Tufted Boudoir Chaise ($28,500)
Is it a sex chair or just a stylish piece of furniture? If you’re dropping this kind of cash, you might as well get as much bang for your buck as possible. This sleek black leather recliner with brass details could almost pass for something out of Architectural Digest — until one notices the stirrups.
Flamingo Estate The Good S—t ($75)
Would you pay $75 for a literal sack of s—t? Probably not, but Goop hopes you’ll make an exception for this “blend of free-range goat, horse, chicken and cow manure” from the four-legged friends at Flamingo Estate in Los Angeles — dubbed the “finest poop in LA.”
Tapper Gold-Plated AirPod Chain ($110)
Wires are so 2019. Rather than risk losing your AirPods — or having to stick to old-school plug-in headphones — Paltrow suggests turning them into 18-karat gold-plated bling.
Chefanie Kama Sutra Dinner Napkins ($88)
Subtle? Not here. Drop a hint on a romantic date by suggesting some after-dinner exercise without ever saying a word.
Cowgirl Sex Machine ($1,750)
This take on a mechanical bull isn’t just for the rodeo.
The Light Phone II ($299)
Imagine if you go back to a time before smartphones without buying a vintage flip phone. This $300 device allows you to plug in your own SIM card and limit capabilities to simply calling, texting, navigation, alarms, music and podcasts. Add in the simple black-and-white display, and you’ve got yourself an authentic (if pricey) trip back to the early 2000s.