I spoke to stand-up comedian of a while back Gilbert Gottfried. At least I’m the one who spoke. He just answered. Where’s he working? Answer: “I wish I knew.” What’s next? “Check my Web site.” What’s he doing? “Sitting on a couch fixing the TV.” Lines he does; chat not.
Former “SNL” star, former Aflac duck voice, in the business 50 years, it’s jokes he does. About the Super Bowl he says, “It’s good for a toilet.”
GG: “I do the Amazing Colossal Podcast. Talking to old Hollywood — Carl Reiner, Henry Winkler, Bruce Dern, Dick Van Dyke. And video shout-outs, which you do if somebody wants to hear a ‘Happy Birthday’ or something like that.”
His people asked me to talk to him, so I asked: You on the road with any shows?
“I sometimes don’t know where I am. I accidentally look at my datebook, and then I know. I live in Manhattan and I’m doing a bunch of things, but I don’t know how to tell you. I’m the worst person for that. I know Saturday I’m doing a night in Allentown, Pa. I only don’t know what I’m doing.
“Besides that I can tell you I’m married … but if you have a date …”
Pitt’s green thumb
Amateur gardener Brad Pitt, awaiting his maybe Oscar, has said: “To improve your backyard, check nearby trees. Learn about them. Then plant your own littler versions. The visual trick takes the eyes from your own lawn’s small ones out into nature beyond.”
Right. So if you blow an award, sniff an azalea.
Please try to pay attention
To feed clients, brokers and hopefully buyers of 32 Mount Morris Park’s landmark mansion, Scott Stewart of Corcoran booked jazz group Mimi & the Podd Brothers. Plus takeout from Sylvia’s in Harlem … Broadway’s coming Diana musical has Di asking the queen to be let out of what she’s doing. The same is Me-me-me Meghan, who’ll last until she finally packs up her Brit twit’s medals and buzzes him off … Brooklyn Diner on 57th Street opens an annex next month. In Queens.
Smells like keen spirit
Ashley Judd helped Audrey Gruss launch fragrances Hope Sport and Hope Night at Bergdorf’s. Proceeds to Gruss’ Hope for Depression Research Foundation.
Ashley: “Depression is like being down a deep dark well, and you can’t get up. I’m talking yet I can’t hear you, you can’t hear me. It’s complete and total isolation.”
Before grabbing a train for Cambridge to lecture about women and social policy at Harvard, Ashley was overheard saying she was once involved with a professor there, but this is unconfirmed rumor — thus not quite as strong as the perfume. Also “I’m going to New Hampshire to campaign for Elizabeth Warren.”
For that she needs a large-size vial of Gruss’ fragrance.
In defense of our country’s leader
Let’s appreciate a president who can withstand onslaught, survive such pressure and prove he can handle enemies — local or global. And this continues. They’re not done. The Lilliputians will never stop. Next they’ll accuse him of giving the Salvation Army athlete’s foot. Trust Mother, kiddies. I know what I know. Don’t like the White House guy, vote him out in November. It’s your right. That’s why this country’s great. But sticking our own poorest tax payers to foot the bill for some vendetta is a lousy game to play.
About a kid brother: “So annoying. Let’s dress him in leather, hit the airport and check him in as luggage.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.