The “Jersey Shore” kids. There are stories that they’re truncating their shooting time in Miami because the Florida types don’t really dig them.
No. They were never meant to spend more than a short time down south. The creative person with them, Tony DiSanto, told me:
“I worried about separating them and leaving them alone to go their own ways for all this downtime in between our two TV seasons. They’re kids. They’ve only spent one season together. I felt I needed to keep some hold on them, keep them all as one unit, so they didn’t somehow run off in different directions . . . or who knows? They’re subject, on their own, to be attracted to different situations.
“So the idea was, while it was cold up here we’d get them a house, like off Ocean Drive, so they could do their same thing in Florida for a short time like they did in Jersey. Then as the weather got warm, we move them back into Jersey until Labor Day.
“After they finished their nonstop shooting in Jersey, we knew we had to give them a break. We wanted them to have their break, but we also sensed we had to keep that family life together. They needed to be off, we knew that, but we also knew they needed not to be separated. They loved the idea of Miami. First of all, they wanted to be together again, second, they loved ‘working,’ and third, the idea of Miami was one of their top spots.
“But these stories that they were too high-handed down there and that the locals didn’t like them, I don’t understand. With them everything gets blown out of proportion, and I think the press got out of hand.”
Here’s what I personally know. They are what they are. Not one will ever be put up for Mensa. Not one will be summoned by the Rand Corp. And possibly their body temperatures may be higher than their IQs.
But so what? There’s no sham with them. They don’t pretend to be anything beyond what they are. They don’t fake themselves out to be faux socialites with an absolutely zero made-up background like those New York housewives predators. They don’t rip one another up the back like that other Jersey housewife group. Yeah, they’re shallow like that blondined, Botoxed, breast-enhanced, bimbo-heavy zoo out in Orange County, but they’re also light-years younger. About Atlanta, who cares? To me those are all disgusting, vile creatures.
These are simple kids from plain homes. They love one another. They help their parents. They’re wildly appreciative for what’s happened to them. Unless some insane bolt from above turns 4-foot-9 Snooki into a heavy-duty actress like Meryl Streep or Mike “The Situation”, abs and all, is suddenly summoned to Albany because some nitwit figures he alone can straighten out the budget, they’ll marry their types. It’s what they want. They’re not looking to stretch above their station. All they want is to bring other similar goombas into the world.
And, by the way, have I seen the show? No.
THAT was Mary McFadden working her way ’round the Marlborough Gallery . . . That was Martha Stewart at Scaglio’s Marketplace in Katonah, NY. A shopper recognized her and asked for help in finding a substitute for a particular brand of chocolate required for a recipe. Martha took the lady right to the shelf.
A MAJOR theater pro gave me a tutorial on how Broadway works. I’d asked how come, with the worst reviews since the beginning of the Iraq War, “The Addams Family” is surviving. On the Street of Dreams, it is no secret that this one’s a nightmare.
Yet, there’s a huge advance sale. The box office is going big-time. Why?
Because, this person told me, “Broadway is not the mainstay for New Yorkers. It’s supported by the out-of-towners who pile into the big city for a few days from Chillicothe, Cleveland, Tulsa. What do they want? They’re sure not interested in Chinese food. They want the hottest, newest, most gossiped-about show. That’s what they have to talk about when they finally go home to the place from which they came. They tell what they’ve seen. They have something to talk about when they go to their boring country clubs for their boring lunches. Suddenly, for 10 seconds, they bring news. They’re the center of attention.
“This show is pop culture. Has a hot title. The name is gold. That’s all tourists care about. They don’t care about the reviews. They don’t read them.
“So this has a box-office advance. But that will carry it for only so long. After the third wave of tourists returns and says, ‘Forget it,’ then you’ll see what happens. This show will never run long enough to pay back its investors.”
So, don’t reviews mean anything anymore? “Yes. Take a show like ‘La Cage.’ It opens this weekend. It’s a brilliant new interpretation. It stars the magnificent Kelsey Grammer. But because it’s not a brand-new concept, theatergoers will rely heavily on the reviews.”
So there you have it. Broadway 101.
‘LISTEN, men are from Earth; women are from Earth — deal with it.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.