In London’s new West End play “The Audience,” Helen Mirren plays the Queen. Naturally. Helen Mirren always plays the Queen. Like, I mean, who else should play Her Majesty — Lena Dunham?
The drama’s about Elizabeth handling all her reign’s prime ministers. So last week, onstage, Act 1, dressed in full queenly regalia — pearls, diadem and dangling grandma handbag off her wrist — she and the audience are suddenly disturbed. A large clatter outside and the aging Gielgud Theatre walls are thin. Some noisy drumming group promoting an upcoming festival.
Bonkers, monarch Mirren hollered: “Be quiet! We’re doing a play here. Stop that noise!” At intermission, she went outside to tell them to shut their drums up.
May the rabble learn hell hath no fury like a sovereign scorned.
SONIA Sotomayor of the Supremes — not the singing group, the judicial group — is around pushing her memoir. “My Beloved World” talks about her diabetes, age 7 injecting herself with insulin, about her one alcoholic, the other distant, parents, about her doctor brother.
She also instructs interviewers, “Just call me Sonia.” Likable Miss Justice often tells people: “I’m just Sonia from The Bronx.”
Somehow I don’t see Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg saying to bloggers: “Just call me Ruthie.”
LEST you be besotted with Joe Piscopo news, his new film “How Sweet It Is” is premiering at the Hoboken Film Festival. Hoboken Film Festival? There’s one in every ghetto. Coming next the Bed-Stuy Film Festival . . . Britney Spears on her first meeting with Madonna: “I’m such a [moron]. I said, ‘I feel I should hug you.’ Afterward, I thought, ‘Why’d I say that? She probably thinks I’m a dork.’ ”
TIDBITS about the lawyer clawing back money Madoff made off with:
1995. For work as a mediator, Irving Picard’s arbitration application (which is in my hands) ignored his prior position of assistant general counsel in the SEC’s Division of Corporate Regulation. His current law firm plus “Madoff Recovery Initiative” Web sites also lack this affiliation.
How come? Investors blame some Madoff misfortune on the SEC, and Picard says they [the investors] should’ve known better than to invest with Madoff and “knew or should have known of the fraud.”
His press releases don’t discuss SEC incompetence. A Dec. 26, 1974, SEC News Digest (which is in my hands) lists him as SEC Division of Reorganization attorney, then special counsel, then acting chief counsel, then chief counsel to the SEC Division of Corporate Regulation. No Internet biographies indicate SEC legal leadership roles.
Madoff fee applications mention his four years in SEC’s Division of Corporate Regulation and Assistant General Counsel 3 1/2 years. No reference to dates of his SEC leadership.
I’m only mentioning what I know. Just curious. At $850 an hour, Picard estimates his and his firm’s take at $1 billion. He’s made out better than Madoff victims.
KIM Kardashian, checking to keep the weight down, is watching what she eats. After all, she’s now purging for two.
JAMES Franco and a gent dining at Babbo . . . Bill Bratton and wife doing dinner at Elio’s . . . Flex Mussels selling whatever’s a Tim Tebow Virgin Hail Mary cocktail . . . Complaining the place he’s doing a stand-up gig doesn’t have bathrooms on every floor, comic Pat Cooper said: “I’m forced to wear a diaper here.” . . . Being mumbled is that the Gatsby film, sure to be up for awards next year, was bumped from opening last year. Geniuses figured all the juice would go to “Argo.”
THE Hollywood Reporter reports Hollywood lushes and potheads hit rehabs that cost $90,000 a month and end the piece with “Only in LA.”. . . Wyclef Jean: “I once worked at Burger King and told the boss, ‘One day I’ll be a superstar.’ And he’d answer, ‘Gimme nine Whoppers and six fries.’ When I eventually went back in, he gushed, ‘You’re really doing great,’ and I asked him for ‘Nine Whoppers.’ ”
STARS insure body parts. Mariah Carey took a policy on her legs. Jennifer Lopez saw to it there was coverage for her famous behind. Keith Richards put out money to watch his fingers. Back aways America Ferrera insured her mouth for $5 mil . . . And a Christina Ricci beauty tip? Preparation H hemorrhoid cream. Stores it in the fridge. Claims it keeps her eyes from puffing up.
SPORTS Illustrated model. Living with a beau in a high-class apartment. He’s had enough. Hot bachelor, he’s now less hot. He wants it over. He wants her out. But she’s comfy. Not moving. Not clearing out her bathroom or her desk. He complains to his mama he can’t get rid of her.
Mama’s savvy. Also practical. Also rich. Also of the Latin que sera sera mentality. Billionaire mama tells baby boy: “So? So leave her there. What’s the problem? I’ll buy you another apartment.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.