Michael Douglas recalls the Christmas daddy Kirk gave him a burlap bag. Out slithered an 11-foot bullsnake. “My mom nearly fainted. It ate mice and raw eggs — in their shells.” Little Mikey did not keep his present long.
Sean Eldridge. Big large money investor scrambling to be NY state’s 19th district congresshuman sent this holiday fund-raiser: Loved “my grandparents’ red and green Rice Krispies treats each Christmas” . . . so let’s “add Gram’s Rice Krispies to our holiday” — plus his campaign. His touching effing ho-ho adds, “Always room for one more dessert” — and donation.
Robert Redford: “Christmas means months of hypnotic advertising, bell jingling, Muzak carols, overcrowded stores and last-minute treks among bruised shards of remaining bargains already depleted.” Right. And our best to Tiny Tim.
First rest
What does New York City’s about-to-be first lady — whose life’s changing, whose home’s changing — want from Mr. Claus? Chirlane told me: “Rest. What I need right now is some rest.”
Where they are
Everybody’s everywhere. The Carters — Jimmy and Rosalynn — visit different spots yearly. True-blue flag-waving red white and blue Americans, our former prez pooped on Texas, Arizona, Florida, Hawaii, California. He’ll visit Santa in Nicaragua. His SecretServicenik suggested it.
The Clintons do the Dominican. Before hopping a pal’s private plane, Bill detoured to usually Democratic West Virginia. Bitching no golf because the ground’s colder than Obama’s future, he lunched with the Greenbrier owner, coal billionaire Jim Justice. Could maybe be piling up chits for Mount Hillary?
Mayoral plans
That’s presidents. As for mayors, David Dinkins e-mailed pals holiday greetings . . . Bloomberg, off excitedly for his and the live-in’s first big-time real-time, free-time vacation in years, booked two weeks. New Zealand. But even before leaving, he shortened it. Returning early to start post-City Hall life.
Carson Kressley in furry green and blue jacket buying a Macy’s shirt and tie. Giftees, the stuff was on sale . . . Amanda Bynes’ stylist — Amanda
Bynes?! — offering as a $200-an-hour gift for your wife or ladyfriend. Yeah, OK. But Amanda Bynes?! . . . Bill Maher’s want from St. Nick? “Continued great ratings.”
Journo’s former job
Brian Williams: “A kid in Redbank, NJ, selling Christmas trees from the back of a semi, I got held up by a guy with a 38. He got my cash box. That’s when my parents made me stop.” With his new, full cash box, what’s he doing this Dec. 25? “Away from the carrying on. Home with my wife and children, where everyone should be. The news business makes it harder and harder to pull the shades down. New Year’s Eve, I might watch the ball drop from my bedroom TV.”
Holiday Wrap
Jane Pauley’s worst Donder & Blitzen visit: “I was 14. We had no money. It was petty and small, but I felt badly that Christmaswise things were really lean.” . . .
And Al Roker’s: “I was 9. We lived in a project. Ground floor. I had measles. My father got a tree, stood outside and jingled its bells for me.”
Nigella Lawson’s favorite carol: “Deck the Halls With Blows of Folly.” . . . Kim Kardashian’s: “Let It Show, Let It Show, Let It Show” . . . Sara Lee: “We wish you a cherry cheesecake.” . . . And Beverly Hills celebrates when Neiman Marcus allows handicapped parking for people earning under $500,000 a year.
So this guy lunches at Brooklyn’s Carroll Gardens Diner and loses his vintage Gucci bracelet. Days later, ordering takeout from there (this bracelet owner’s a big eater) the Gucci bracelet returns with his tuna sandwich.
Only in Brooklyn, kids, only in Brooklyn.