Pay attention: The White House is about to get an Obamatized and reMichelleitated makeover. Designer Michael Smith, who rejuiced Obama’s private quarters and rejiggered the Oval Office, has been commanded to convert their plain family-style first-floor eatery. It’s located behind the State Dining Room, which seats, give or take a behind, 130.
This is now to be converted into a modern art gallery. No other chief executive ever personally OK’d certain favorite handpicked contemporary artists to hang in officialdom in the White House. That’s akin to stamping a presidential Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval on some while razzberrying those who might paint Republican.
First Families redo their private quarters, but redesigning a 21st-century art gallery according to your own taste is A) fraught with peril, B) not done before and C) ain’t anyone mentioning how this non-sequestrianized project gets paid for.
Hide & hold
Pay more attention: Zimmerman’s parents don’t know his whereabouts. So hidden, undercover, watched and protected that the family can’t reach out lest their telephone be traced . . . Also: Barring the big-time TV and p.r. exposure, people are raising questions about whether Zimmerman’s lawyers have been paid. Eventually contributions from citizen groups will help. Also, they estimate a pending civil suit with NBC might bring enough dollars to keep them in pencils.
Grow & eat
The Hamptons are alive with the sound of chewing: B. Walters and the R. Giulianis at Bridgehampton’s new Toppings Rose. Everything A-1 home-cooked locally grown . . . The Hugh Jackmans doing a weekend party. Not sure all’s home-cooked and locally grown . . . The Jimmy Finkelsteins feeding the Hiltons, Paris’ parents.
Kelly’s best
So: frisk yes, frisk no, or frisk you, New Yorkers hate to lose the best frisking commissioner of police known to mankind. But if the country needs Ray Kelly more than we do, we mustn’t be selfish. May he run Homeland Security. We’ll all feel safer.
More Grodin than you asked for
So comes Charles Grodin’s autographed book “Just When I Thought I’d Heard Everything!: Humorous Observations on Life in America.”
Like male urinary problems. His Page 27: Flomax commercials say, “Avoid situations where injuries can occur. That means bullfighting? I always avoid situations where injuries may occur.”
Eat eight fruit and vegetable servings? “If I did, I’d have no room for anything but fruit and vegetables.”
Grodin bought $50 cashmere socks. They fell apart. Back he went. He writes, “My clerk was hiding . . . it took about a year, but eventually I got a 50 percent refund.”
“I’ve written four memoirs. Back from school one day my son asked: ‘Any new memoirs?’ ” Of his eight books, Hachette sold one globally then said: “Russia and China have 1 1/2 billion people. Not one bought a copy.”
This issue tells of pal Henry Schleiff walking a shelter dog for his Discovery Channel division when “a pit bull jumped out. Henry pulled his dog away then his dog took a chomp out of Henry’s hand. We’re talking general anesthesia, endless stitches, etc. . . . No good deed goes unpunished . . . so we shouldn’t keep trying — just not around pit bulls.”
Grodin wears long johns even indoors cool summer nights. “They say staying warm has nothing to do with catching colds,” but “I almost never get sick.”
So what’s he do outdoors wintertime? Answer: “First of all, you won’t see me outdoors wintertime . . . If so it’s five minutes and two pairs of long johns. Even three” plus “a thermal shirt under a flannel shirt under a sweater under a heavy jacket.”
It’s 343 pages. A paperback.
“Kinky Boots.” Creator Harvey Fierstein sitting smack center in G-1. At intermission patrons came over for autographs. If they didn’t ask, they got pictures with him. If they asked, he declined.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.