’Tis the season:

Jon Bon Jovi: “Here’s where I’ll spend the holidays. First, my house in New Jersey then St. Barts — where all the rock stars go.”

Julianna Margulies: “Anguilla. I need a week of sunshine.”

Gina Gershon: “What I want for Christmas is for my book that just came out to be a hit. The title is, ‘How I Found My Pussy and Lost My Mind.’ ” Whaaaa? “It’s about my cat.”

Director Fisher Stevens, what’s he happy about this Christmas? “Maybe that I look good because I’m getting older.”

Matt Dillon’s end-of-the-year plans? “None. Got no plans. Nothing interesting. I have nothing going on.”

Liev Schreiber: “Who knows? I don’t know.”

Ben Stiller: “My wife and I, the kids, the whole family’s going to Hawaii. We have a great time together.”

Fred Armisen of “Portlandia”? His lone interest is “music . . . Put on headphones and play it loud in the subway, or even while driving.”

Jamie Foxx: “My new Quentin Tarantino movie ‘Django Unchained’ is so violent that I know Christmas will come in with a bang because it’s the day we open.”

EVERYONE’s pinching pennies. Some are even pinching yen. Sony, nice little interplanetary operation, whose current piggy bank includes “Skyfall” and “Zero Dark Thirty” and games, electronics, music, finance, technology, PlayStations, Vaio laptops and some 2013 high-speed skin analyzing goo called Sskep is into watching the rice bowl. New honcho Kazuo Hirai’s new mandate? All Sony lots must in future feature AstroTurf. No more real grass.

This will save money, save seeds, save gardening, save water, save his job.

GARBO, who’d have been 107 this year, goes on auction this weekend at Julien’s in Beverly Hills.

Her great-nephew Derek Reisfield, who “knew my great-aunt 28 years,” is peddling her pajamas, Ferragamo shoes, Fedora jewelry, sterling flatware, “800 of her intimate possessions.” Some sold earlier at Kildare, Ireland’s classy K Club near a Garbo exhibition. The remainder got loaded onto the Queen Mary 2.

The great-nephew: “Was she a lesbian? She had many such friends. She experimented, but it wasn’t a lifestyle choice . . . She told me she never said her famous, ‘I vant to be alone’ line.”

Greta Garbo never personally accepted her 1954 Oscar, retired on top at 36, went on strike in 1927 demanding equal pay with co-star John Gilbert for “Love” (based on “Anna Karenina,” now starring Keira Knightley), told MGM “I go home,” then moved to live in New York until her 1990 end.

The great-nephew’s mulling a book about her.

THE Rolling Stones, rolling out yet another concert, just brought up the bulletin that one of the scariest men in captivity was injected the other morning with a large dose of drugs — but enough about Keith Richards.

CHRIS Terrio of “Argo” screenwriting two more scripts with director Ben Affleck in mind . . . J.K. Rowling’s non-“Harry Potter” novel becoming a BBC series . . . They’re saying Kristen Stewart, 22, changed the sexual equation proving she’s “a greenlight power.” Got as much clout as the boys . . . FYI: Scratching around for a studio apartment in NYC? Be aware it’ll cost. Parents are busily buying entry-level flats for college-age kids . . . Jackie Chan’s dream? You won’t believe it — but believe it. To play Baron von Trapp in “The Sound of Music.” I knew you wouldn’t believe it.

EAVESDROPPING on a restaurant table’s hen party of TV execs:

Katie’s show isn’t doing too badly. It’s getting some numbers . . . They keep telling Piers Morgan nobody’s really interested in his own personal opinions . . . That Rielle book by John Edwards’ baby mama bombed. If Petraeus’ mistress wrote a book, why’d anyone want to read it? Maybe if his wife did one, it would be interesting . . . naah, boring, who cares about a leftover wife’s story? . . .

BIEBER burble: “Not worth it if I can’t be the best. I know many people want to bring me down and take my spot.” Justin’s protecting that spot. As girls scream, he keeps touching his crotch . . . Mariah Carey does not want her twins in showbiz. “Be a doctor or lawyer,” she says . . . Michael Jackson’s daughter, Paris, a role model. She tweets no drinking, no smoking, no nada . . . A Christina Aguilera dressing-room contract requests health food, organic fruits, soy milk, soy cheese, chewable vitamins.

TWO super execs. Fred: “So why doesn’t that once big hotshot finally step down? His company’s doing lousy, they don’t want him anymore, replacements are in mind, so why’s he hanging on?” Sam: “Don’t be stupid. Why do you think? Because he doesn’t want to give up the private plane.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.