Even Martians have heard of the female Hadron Collider named Kellyanne Conway. Long yellow hair, double first name, model’s figure, larynx that stretches from 56th and Fifth to the Oval Office. So who is this counselor to the president?
“I’m my mother’s daughter and solicitous about her needs,” she said Friday. “I adore my mother.” Voted ‘Most Argumentative’ in her yearbook, this Chief Worrying Officer mom shopped on a dime to take care of four kids. A single mother. The father left when she was a toddler. No alimony. No child support.
No money.
“Mom put me through Catholic school and, with $125,000 in student loans, through law school. I wanted to be an OBGYN doctor, but law school was faster.
“So . . . now . . . I’m tough but polite. And I’m trying to smile more. Although we’ve occasionally argued, I told President Trump I’d never call him by his first name. Nor would I ever consider myself a peer. I know this president did very well in the world before I came along.”
Her blond hair? “I’m 50. It’s gray underneath. I do it myself every six weeks.” Her skinny body? “Spanx. Also I hate to shop, so if I don’t gain weight, I can keep my old clothes.” Her husband of 15 years, litigation lawyer George Conway? “I love him. He totally supports what I’m doing, is proud of me, and we have four children — boy and girl twins, age 12, and daughters, 7 and 8.”
Kellyanne and I had stolen an hour from some VIP event. Easing our starvation doublefast with sauteed spinach and steak sandwiches medium rare, we talked fast.
Kellyanne made resolutions
To allow Kellyanne maximum freedom, I was actually in charge of holding her jacket. I spent the whole long night standing next to, walking next to, sitting next to Mr. & Mrs. Conway.
I saw patience and politesse. She rose every two seconds for a photo, selfie, autograph, a comment from a ballroomful of strangers. She refused nobody, was impolite to nobody although she needed a drink, the ladies’ room, a moment to breathe, a second to speak to good-humored George, who patiently watched with love, and she also needed to sit. Get off those stilettos. I only know what I saw.
She told me: “The lack of privacy is tough. I’d like to sleep more. Complain less. Eat less sugar. Be less sarcastic. Try to write thank-you notes. Be more organized. More on time. Learn to say no.
“Saks Fifth even sent me photos of dresses, and friends have gone to buy clothes for me because I can’t get to it. Others even take my kids for a sleepover night. I must try to find time and not give these friends short shrift. Also I need to squeeze in manicure appointments.” She showed me her nails. They needed manicure appointments.
Humble start
Conway said, “In 2005, George and I had a beautiful home in the sky. I was on the board of our Trump World condo, 48th and First. Tenants were Derek Jeter, Harrison Ford. Who’d expect Mr. Trump, very engaged, knowing all the facts and figures, to come to a meeting?
“I was a pollster in those days, so he and I would talk politics. 2011, although loving ‘The Apprentice,’ he hypothetically talked about going to DC. March 2015, he called me in. 2016, I joined his campaign.”
Yesterday’s paper reports she might’ve engaged in a fight at the inaugural Liberty Ball. I only know that the very night before, at another black-tie VIP gala attended by President and Mrs. Trump, I sat with Kellyanne Fitzpatrick Conway and her husband. At her table. Next to them. Directly alongside them.
And one of her non-alternatives facts was: “I’m trying to choose among the list of things I’d like to change.” How about when there’s no time to do the makeup and hair? Said Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the president of the United States of America, leader of the free world, commander-in-chief of the Armed Forces: “Then I look like s - - t.”