Toni Braxton was wracked with guilt when her son was diagnosed with autism, believing it was God’s punishment for terminating a pregnancy more than a decade ago.
The Grammy award-winning singer said her remorse stemmed from a strict Christian upbringing that required her to memorize 26 Bible passages each week and banned her from wearing pants.
The R&B artist has made some startling revelations in her new memoir, “Unbreak My Heart,” revealing she terminated the pregnancy in her 30s while dating eventual husband Keri Lewis.
Braxton said she was worried her prescribed Accutane acne medication would harm her fetus, but admitted she just wasn’t ready to have a child.
“I was suddenly faced with a choice I’d never thought I’d have to make. Amid my major misgivings about abortion, I eventually made the gut-wrenching decision,” the 46-year-old wrote, according to E! News.
“In my heart, I believed I had taken a life — an action that I thought God might one day punish me for … My initial rage was quickly followed by another strong emotion: guilt. I knew I’d taken a life … I believed God’s payback was to give my son autism.”
Braxton has two sons with now ex-husband Lewis: Denim, 12, and Diezel, 11, who was diagnosed with autism in 2006.
Braxton also wrote about the controversial debate between vaccines and autism, a topic that other celebrities like Jenny McCarthy have been vocal about.
“Maybe it’s just a coincidence that after my son’s first MMR vaccine, I began to notice changes in him,” she said.
The candid memoir also details Braxton’s struggles through her two bankruptcies and her lupus diagnosis.
This article originally appeared on News.com.au.