Apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, this season’s triple-name wordsmith is Linda Bloodworth-Thomason. She wrote the Delta Burke/Dixie Carter TV series “Designing Women.” She wrote the ’96 Goldie Hawn/Diane Keaton/Bette Midler film “The First Wives Club.” Now she’s producing it for Broadway. And only RuPaul isn’t scrambling for a role.
“It’ll have ballads. Our people will have to sing. I’ve been casting in New York and Hollywood, but not picked anyone yet. Stars aren’t a requisite. I’m looking for talent. I’m seeing actresses that sing great, do comedy and can get hilarious while hitting a high note.”
Is it a musical or a play?
“It’s a talksicle. It’s funny and takes place in ’92. It’s not ‘Designing Women,’ because that dumb culture’s over. It’s the feminine side of the ’90s. But we didn’t use the old script. Didn’t even reread it. I don’t do rewrites.”
To the important things: Every time her Clinton chums sprint for anything, Linda does a film or TV thing — for the Senate run, Obama Denver convention, ’96 convention, 2000 convention, his library, six times she did Something. So?
“I spent 101 nights in the White House. Not wanting to be pigs about the Lincoln Bedroom, sometimes my husband and I stayed in the family quarters.”
So?
“So all I can say is, I’m rarin’ to go. The Clintons said they’ll come to whichever opening we have. It’ll be Chicago, best theater in the heart of the country, for six weeks. Our goal’s New York next fall.”
Jill’s fan club
In Greta Van Susteren’s makeup room, Sean Hannity told Jill Abramson: “I hate the Times! They treated you badly.” In the Green Room, National Review’s Rich Lowry told Jill they share the same boxing trainer. Liberal Abramson was yukking it up in right wing heartland . . .
The East End’s K-K-K-Kim-Khloé-Kourtney-Kendall-Kylie-Kris-Kanye store was krappy so it’s Kardashians out and Clintons cashing in. Hillary will work the Hamptons all August for that unannounced gallop back to her old bedroom.
Gallagher golfs for Fund
Peter Gallagher (CIA Clandestine Services Director on USA-TV’s “Covert Affairs”) heads a golf outing today to benefit the Actors Fund, which began in 1882.
“I never played until Jack Lemmon gave me a set of clubs and told me my first shot was ‘s - - t.’ Now I love the game. And I always work for the Actors Fund. Do shows for them, collect funds. At an appearance there recently, in the first row sat an actress I know.
“Today’s event is a bunch of us thinking for a change about other people.”
Elaine’s leftovers
Elaine Stritch. Nobody mentioned she saved on meals. On my Le Cirque dinner, a salad — with dressing — accompanied her main course. From her purse came a hefty plastic bag. Then, rummaging inside next to her compact, she made room for the wet salad. Also, so come midnight she shouldn’t fall away from hunger, two rolls got rammed in.
Garner’s charm
And James Garner, whom we just lost, once told me: “Lady reporters expect more from me. To me, publicity’s a job. Part of the business, and I’ll do my duty. It’s just that females keep staring, waiting for me to set them on fire. Suddenly, I’m supposed to charm the pants off them. I’m an actor. Not a charmer.”
So this college student knows borscht about dealing in the real world. He had to FedEx something. He didn’t know there’d be a charge for the service. So he goes to the post office to mail it. He didn’t know he’d have to buy the postage. The kid’s 22. He’s lived his whole life off the Internet.
Can that be only in New York, kids, only in New York?