Having lived in and reported on the Asian landfill outside Indonesia and nearby Borneo, I’ve long watched Haji Hassanal Bolkiah Mu’izzaddin Waddaulah ibni Al-Marhum Haji Omar Ali Saifuddien Sa’adul Khairi Waddien, the Sultan of Brunei.
Mister Piggy, among the planet’s richest, has the world’s largest palace. His family has the world’s largest appetite. Playboy brother Prince Jefri, allegedly importing crateloads of hookers, once with a harem of 40, has blown billions and, per his land’s rules, could’ve been stoned for adultery.
Per the Sultan, Sharia, the Law of Islam, allows a woman stoned, beaten, her private parts cut. A wife may be age 9. A husband’s consent is needed for divorce. A woman raped cannot testify against her rapists.
Although the Law is not partial to homosexuality, let it be known His Royal Highness the Sultan’s son exhibits feminine traits. People I well know well know this son gets away with doing men because he’s royalty.
Seven-ish months ago it became clear that there exists a boy toy.
HRH’s ownership of the Beverly Hills Hotel caused weddings, engagements, bar mitzvahs, even the cancellation of that Kardashian sow’s engagement party.
Mazel tov.
Horse care
Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation, the world’s largest equine sanctuary, has cared for more than 4,000 horses with more than 1,000 thoroughbreds lovingly adopted. Earle Mack, former ambassador to Finland/former Racing Commission chair’s Second Chances also works on rehabilitating retired horses.
So, whichever and whatever, if California Chrome becomes the first Triple Crown winner since 1978 — be it known this thoroughbred and friends will always be cared for in their AARP days.
Piano man pampers pups
More four-legged creatures stuff. Billy Joel’s concerts are filling Madison Square Garden. For his 65th birthday, May 9, he donated that appearance’s earnings to North Shore Animal League.
P.S. A dog has masters. A cat has staff. Put food out, a dog barks. Put food out and a cat meows, “I’ll get back to you.”
Odds & ends
For Glenholme, a boarding school for special children with needs, “Silver Linings Playbook” and “American Hustle” director David O. Russell raised $150,000. Even auctioned walk-ons in his coming films . . . Jeff Zucker doing CNN original “celebration of a decade” series “The Sixties” May 28. Tom Hanks, producer . . . Ice T and Coco both getting manicures at an Edgewater, NJ salon . . . Tyra Banks’ nickname is BBQ.
Pay attention
EL AL now welcomes furry and feathered dogs, cats, birds with a “Mile Paw” frequent flyer club. Three round trips gets them a free flight plus a pooch passport plus — if Rover’s not kosher — its dietary guidelines. Hey, I give it four barks . . . Can it be Alfonse D’Amato and his Katuria are splitsville? Can it be he’s moved out?
LAX Airport Security. No removing shoes or jacket. No pat down. No checking the computer inside a Vuitton. No pawing through a carry-on. This passenger with special dietary needs then sends a small food bag through the conveyor belt. The TSA genius bellows “Bag check” and orders its contents produced — a fearsome cache of four strawberries and two 6-ounce yogurt containers.
The yogurts, two ounces over the liquids limit, they discard. Airborne, the person reopens the bag. Left in it, the four strawberries plus a spoon and, to cut the strawberries, a completely forgotten overlooked serrated metal knife.
Only in Los Angeles, kids, only in Los Angeles.