Looks like someone’s inner aspect might need some Ben & Jerry’s and chardonnay right about now.
When Gwyneth Paltrow broke the news late yesterday, via her Goop website, that she and husband Chris Martin were divorcing (“consciously uncoupling”), the world’s reaction was, shall we say, less than sympathetic.
Twitter immediately erupted into a torrent of Gwynnie schadenfreude:
Of course, it is no admirable thing to be smug about someone else’s life falling apart. If only Gwyneth had not been so smug about EVERY OTHER THING. You can’t send out a weekly newsletter dictating the myriad ways in which everyone who is not you is living wrong, and not expect a gleeful backlash when there’s a chink in your armor.
A comic strip called “Sylvia” used to feature a character called The Woman Who Does Everything More Beautifully Than You. Gwyneth became the living embodiment of that cartoon, a sanctimonious reminder that no matter how hard you tried, you would never approach her level of seemingly effortless self-actualization.
Ironically, the further she self-actualized, the more the world loathed that self.
But this split could turn out to be Gwyneth’s a-ha moment, if she lets it. The savviest thing the Goop princess could do is renounce her crown and admit that life is not always a bouquet of small-batch, artesian-well-watered roses. And that no amount of lifestyle curating can guarantee that love won’t kick you in the La Mer-creamed face.
Much like Martha Stewart‘s trip to prison, this divorce could be the ultimate way for Gwyneth to re-humanize herself in the eyes of the world. We may not be able to relate to her insane beauty regimen, laughably expensive wardrobe recommendations or impossibly demanding culinary edicts, but we all know what a wrenching breakup feels like.
Personally, I’ve never found Gwyneth as irritating as most: She’s a decent actress, and so what if she’s a little OCD on the domestic front? But then, I’ve never tried to follow one of her bonkers Goop recipes, or actually considered paying $800 for a jersey tank dress (so versatile for the office and the beach house!). Still, she’s never seemed like someone you’d want to — in the ultimate American litmus test for likability — have a beer with. (Besides, beer has gluten. Evil, evil gluten.)
This breakup could change all that — bring Gwynnie down to our fallible human level. Could Goop have been, as some are speculating, one big cry for help from a bored and unhappily married rich girl? Will singlehood allow Paltrow to relax a little, let her million-dollar highlights grow out and shame-eat some carbs? News flash: No matter how much of a snobby a-hole you may have been, America is ALWAYS willing to give you a second chance at imperfection.
Do I think this is what will happen? No. Chances are, Goop will morph into a holier-than-thou divorce recovery resource, recommending that a three-week stay at a Tibetan monastery followed by a rigorous chia and rooibos cleanse is the only REAL way to truly get over a split.
But we can always hope there’s a messier Gwyneth inside just waiting to get out: Maybe her next few months will resemble her latest “Glee” appearance: