Meredith Vieira. She’s like crabgrass. Been everywhere — “The View,” “Today,” “60 Minutes,” “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.” Her new afternoon TV show begins Monday.
“I get up between 5 and 6, which beats that 2:30 a.m. I once did. The iPhone ring penetrating my brain is my wake-up. I’m a closet snoop who loves to decorate so I go to sleep watching ‘House Hunters.’ I’m a night person training myself to sleep around 11 — if I can. It’s the Dracula effect — best when the sun goes down.”
OK. The new show.
“Can’t worry about it all, or you get in a hole. You can only hope it doesn’t affect your brain and you say to yourself, ‘What am I doing?’ We’ve done five test shows, and I feel calm.
“I’m in TV almost 40 years. My family, who’ll faithfully watch at least twice, will critique me — and then, that’s it. Talk shows are all the same.”
Everything you’ve already heard twice before. This new kid on the block won’t just do celebrity chat stuff.
“Hey, I’ve screwed up before. My first morning on ‘Today,’ I was to say, ‘This is “Today” on NBC.’ Instead I said, ‘Today, today, today,’ then threw my hands up in the air. My nerves went with it.
“This new show will have games, a band, storytelling, humor. A nighttime feel like quirky, edgy, naughty, wacky Letterman. He listens. Makes his guests look well. Doesn’t always run to read his questions. And they’ll dress me because I’m a jeans-and-jacket type — but always with heels. At 5-foot-3 ¹/₂, I always wear heels.
“My beginning moment ever on-air was WJAR radio in Providence. The weatherman mentioned a chyron. I said, ‘Who’s this chyron — a sheik?’ I’m typing for the newscast, ‘The chyron is dead.’ And I asked him, ‘What country’s he from — Saudi Arabia?’
“That ‘Chyron is dead’ story Rhode Island dined out on for weeks.”
With a big heart, Joan’s resting
My forever friend Joan Rivers left the ICU for a larger suite. Her hospital room got decorated by Preston Bailey (who organized daughter Melissa’s long back wedding — now divorced) with flowers, bows, plants.
Joan’s blanket? Dennis Basso’s white faux mink. CDs play “Oklahoma!” Her perfectly manicured nails, deep purple, feature white designs. Toenails, green. Hairdresser and makeup people are dressing hair and making her up. Mount Sinai’s even allowing her dogs in for a moment to kiss Mommy.
Joan, whom I love and loves me, trashed me in her new book. Once, when I wasn’t feeling spiffy, she arrived uninvited and made me sit up, alongside, to watch her 90-minute documentary.
She carries restaurant leftovers home. She says: “The dogs wait for it.” I personally believe she eats it.
My housekeeper admired her costume jewelry. Joan took the stuff off and gave it to her.
A 2nd Avenue Deli dinner night. She arrived done up for a red-carpet event. I complained: “Nobody here’s inhaling matzo balls in sequins. With rhinestones yet.” Her answer: “That’s their problem.”
And that’s the Joan I’ve known.
Choosing when to be choosy
Jennifer Lopez’s dressing-room requirements: Makeup and hairdresser stations, white dressing room, white couch, white curtains, white table, white candle, three kinds of flowers including white roses. If such exists, she’d maybe throw in white violets, white dandelions, white sunflowers. And food demands specified temperature of the Evian. In terms of gents, she ain’t that picky.
Democratic Party, 76th Assembly District, Upper East Side’s contested Sept. 9 primary race, candidate Arlene Kayatt’s running for judicial delegate. Our Town weekly’s one-time journalist, terrific lawyer, devoted New Yorker, she’ll fight for us all.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.