What Jimmy Kimmel is to a laugh line, James Beard was to a main dish.
American chef and gourmet, he left us the James Beard Foundation, which holds its annual eat-a-thon May 5. It was at Lincoln Center. And its red carpet was bright yellow — as in fattening butter, margarine, mayo and cheese.
Sirio Maccioni: “I’m getting the lifetime achievement award. I’ve fed everyone. Nobody I have not fed. Although I was born in 1932, I’m sure I fed Napoleon.” Here 80 years, Sirio sounds like he’s arriving Thursday, so is his Le Cirque French or Italian? “Please . . . we are New York.”
Besides Del Posto, Mario Batali’s known for an orange ponytail and orange Crocs: “Crocs are comfortable. The hair is because that’s all I got left.” In orange vest and purple shirt Gala Chef Chair Batali looked like an eye chart.
Martha Stewart was there. Martha Stewart’s like crabgrass — everywhere. Last winter up to her spatula in Connecticut mulch. Last week, with Madison Avenue wetter than the Ark, photographing furniture. Last weekend Time magazine’s gala? Martha. Last year Hermès displaying BVDs? Martha. Last night? She was a presenter.
Joe Bastianich, son of Lidia Bastianich of the TV show “Lidia,” was there. Really big-time. Back when Pope John visited, I remember the florist refusing my order. Why? “Too busy with Bastianich’s plants. They’re having His Holiness over for lunch.” Ohhh, okaaaayy.
NYC is what matters
The James Beard Foundation honored chefs from other places, but who cares what they cook in Altoona? Their NYC best included the Spotted Pig’s April Bloomfield, where I’ve spotted Robert De Niro. Bloomfield: “I always wanted to be a police officer but seemed that wouldn’t happen so I started cooking at 16.” Told cops eat lousy food, Bloomfield said: “No. It’s doughnuts. I love doughnuts.”
New Orleans’ Pêche Seafood Grill got honored as best new restaurant, but my pick was NYC’s own Betony — and not just because designer Ralph Rucci grabbed my check there. Outstanding wine program also went to out-of-towner the Barn at Blackberry Farm, but Daniel Boulud, whose Bar Boulud was nominated, certainly looked winning in a smart suit instead of his usual pristine white jacket. Never a spot. He said: “Food’s supposed to be on your plate, not my apron.” Having just had a baby, Boulud showed pix. Of the infant? No. Of cuff links Sirio gave him 30 years ago.
Ranking No. 1 for years, Le Bernardin’s Eric Ripert: “A recipe for everyone is vinaigrette. Mustard, olive oil, chopped shallots, vinegar, asparagus. Serve warm over a local fish like striped bass. And go to your garden for herbs.” Herbs? I live on Park Avenue, where am I schlepping herbs? “Try Whole Foods.”
Also Bloomberg showed up. His appetite tends toward hamburgers and Chinese food. I know because I’ve had both with him.
Obama sighting
Nobu’s Drew Nieporent. I requested confirmation Michelle Obama lunched at his downtown joint yesterday. He wouldn’t confirm. I told him to check with his chef because, me, I was confirming it.
David Chang, who makes everyone wait on line for his Momofuku: “Why not? I do all the time. I waited one hour for the new Toro on 15th Street.” So we changed subjects. Ever eat Jewish food?
“Always. I was a block away from the old Second Avenue Deli. I ate chopped liver there five times a week.”
Only virgin here is in the olive oil
Gabriele Corcos’ arm was around the missus Debi Mazar, who wore wall-to-wall Isabel Toledo. “Our cookbook ‘Extra Virgin’ is coming out,” she said. So who’s the virgin? She: “I was never a virgin.” He: “I was more a virgin than she.” She: “He’s given me a fat ass.” Whothehell knows what this had to do with cooking — but who cares?
There was also Marcus Samuelsson, who may as well be Irving Menddleton to me. I hear he’s executive chef of Aquavit. OK by me.
Humans I almost didn’t recognize without their bibs: Ted Allen in blue tuxedo jacket. Very skinny. “I have a series of corsets,” he said. Also, “I don’t trust a skinny chef.” Also, “I live on almonds and cashews and potato chips are my weakness.” Plus Questlove, whose band is the Roots and why he was there, who knows? Plus Andrew Zimmern, whose TV show’s bizarrely called “Bizarre Foods.”
And in the midst of all — even better looking than Todd English, who was also there — stunning Trisha Yearwood (right). There as the evening’s entertainer, she said: “I love food. Grandma’s recipes. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes. Love it.” Also to love was her tightfitting purple gown. “It’s Teri Jon. I’m Southern. That means I’m old-school. I don’t borrow. I paid for it. It’s mine.”
They had theirs
Final course of the James Beard evening? Dinner with the top culinary talents serving their masterpieces. I was seated with Sirio, who explained his famous creme brulee begins with four cups heavy cream, eight large egg yolks, two tablespoons granulated sugar, eight tablespoons brown sugar . . . I never heard the rest because I had to run and write this column.
And I had mine
When you say the word “beard,” a barber thinks hairy and “I’ll trim that goatee” — an eater thinks foodie, and that’s James Beard.
For me the fabulous evening’s finale was celebrated at my fridge. While stars downed gastronomic delights, I inhaled peanut butter and jelly. On white bread.