Celebrity News

Madge gets royal treatment in Israel

Madonna traveled light to Israel. Just took 11 suites plus 25 rooms plus her own Royal Suite plus her own Italian chef plus her own exercise equipment, which came in on a private plane, plus her five children. The fifth being that nice underemployed Brazilian young boy Jesus she schleps around. Unclear exactly what line of work he’s out of, but it’s definitely clear what kind of work he’s into.

Adjacent to her suite, the Dan Tel Aviv set up a private kitchen on the fifth floor where all her meals were served, including a traditional Shabat dinner presided over by the Kabbalah’s Rabbi Berg. And for those daily pilates and stretches, the hotel also turned their King Solomon Ballroom — often the site of bar mitzvahs and weddings — into her personal gymnasium. Nobody carried on this way even when Sadat came for a visit.

In return, she told her audience: “I shouldn’t have stayed away this long” and paraded around the stage wrapped in an Israeli flag.

LISTEN, I wish to open my large mouth for a change to say something wonder ful about somebody. Our top cop Ray Kelly — who when he isn’t buying Charvet ties on sale is really doing the job. Since Sept. 11, NYC crime’s down 37 percent. New Orleans has 95 homicides per 100,000 people. New York offs maybe half a dozen, max. That’s because of Ray Kelly, and I just thought I’d mention it because I love my city.

HUSKY-voiced Brenda Vaccaro, who’s won a Golden Globe, who’s had Oscar, Emmy, Tony nominations, is amongst us. Here filming Dr. Jack Kevorkian‘s story for HBO, she plays his sister. Al Pacino plays Doctor Death. With her usual understated shyness, Brenda plopped down, and her first words?

“S – – t, I’m so happy to be back here. Getting this job is a f – – – ing miracle. I’ve been living in California. Encino. The rat’s ass end of the valley. Feeding squirrels and raccoons these last years. So why haven’t I been doing stuff? Who knows? Beats the s – – t out of me. In California, one day you wake up and you’re 60 and it’s all over. New York, it’s pressure, going, meeting, seeing, it’s vibrant, alive. I’ve got to move back here.

“Years ago things were good for me. I was bouncing. Had an autumn haze mink coat. Then came a divorce. I redid the place, and Rooney, my cat, didn’t like the new rug so he split, too. Then suddenly only young chicks were being cast. Women my age were like a bunch of Italian widows. Not Jewish widows. Those play tennis. Italian widows line up against a wall and wail. My offers became Thanksgiving turkey commercial voice-overs. I wasn’t doing that s – – t, so I moved to California thinking that’s where the work is. I had a Park and 37th one-bedroom penthouse, 18th floor, dining room, terrace, $500 a month rent. In the ’70s, as an insider, I could have bought it for $17,000. Now there’s my husband of 24 years and my dog Winston, who’s the Warren Beatty of the pug world. I need space, and New York is expensive. But I’ve got to move back. Fortunately, I’m OK financially.

“My last big job? I was taking a pee when the phone rang, and they offered me ‘Nip/Tuck’ with Catherine Deneuve, who was lovely even though she took forever to do one scene. Casting director Ellen Chenoweth, who sent the producers my ‘Nip/Tuck’ tape, got me this job. Now I won’t even go to a restaurant without calling Ellen.”

She and Pacino, longtime old-time friends, are shooting in Staten Island, Coney Island, Queens, and wherever might look like Kevorkian’s Troy, Mich., area, until Oct. 20.

BOOKWISE, fall brings a celebrity glut. TV’s Mackenzie “One Day at a Time” Phillips tells of drugs, demons, “dirty broken home,” growing up in the R-‘n’-R environment of sex, rolling joints for her dad, and Mick Jagger‘s advances. Bret Michaels, star of VH1’s reality dating crapola “Rock of Love,” immortalizes his superindulgences and Pamela Anderson Internet sex tape. “Curb Your Enthusiasm” fatso schlub Jeff Garlin writes how he loves pudding and overeating. And if you know the comedy series “Lucky Louie,” then you maybe know Louis C.K. who’ll bring us whateverthehell he’ll bring us.

DERIVATION of the word “honeymoon”? Babylonian custom 4,000 years ago was, for their first month a bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer. Their calendar being lunar based, this honey month became known as the honeymoon. And the phrase “Mind your P’s and Q’s”? English pubs serve ale by pints and quarts. So in aulde Englande when customers got unruly, the barkeep would yell, “Settle down. Mind your pints and quarts.” P’s and Q’s. I newly learned all this, and I just knew you’d want to know.

HAVE a good end-of-the-summer week end. And remember, you studs who want to impress your girlfriend at the beach: Wine her, dine her, worship her, support her, compliment her, listen to her, respect her, compliment her, bring her flowers, tell her you’ll go to the end of the Earth and back for her. And for gals who want to impress their guys: Show up naked and bring food.

We’ll meet again Tuesday.