Ralph Fiennes stars in the big-time hotshot movie “Coriolanus.” It opens Dec. 2. This lead time is mostly taken up trying to meet him.
Ralph was secreted in a hotel. A special table was booked for me in a special library area. Not special was me. I came early but, thrilled at meeting me, the maitre d’ had given the table away. I was then escorted to the elevator bank. All full. Finally, they commandeered one. I was going up. It was going down.
Eventually I was deposited on some protected floor. Its corridor featured scurrying production assistants and wooden chairs lined up for supplicants awaiting a meeting with this revered feared Roman General Caius Martius Coriolanus — in jeans.
With a king-size case of laryngitis, I couldn’t speak or ask anything. I just listened. Based on Shakespeare’s play, directed and produced by Ralph, it co-stars Vanessa Redgrave as his controlling, ambitious “tough” mother.
The story: To achieve the position of Roman consul, Coriolanus must ingratiate himself with the loathed masses who are against him. His anger prompts expulsion from Rome, thus he allies with sworn enemy Tullus Aufidius a k a Gerard Butler.
“We shot many weeks, January to April, in Yugoslavia. There’s a huge movie industry, new film studio, terrific film structure. Plus tax breaks. And great food. Meat stews, red peppers, good pasta.
“Co-producer Gabrielle Tana is well-connected locally. Her Serbian father ran a restaurant there. So we were able to film inside the actual senate building.
“We did this in modern dress. Julius Caesar, as historical a figure as Coriolanus, has been done in modern dress. My character wears fatigues. I believe Shakespeare is more accessible when contemporary.”
I managed to croak out two questions. Did “Harry Potter” movies make you rich?
“Put it this way, I’m not poor.”
And if not mopping up Rome with a sword, what else in life might you be doing?
“I might direct on the side. But I’d be a farmer. I’d raise pigs.”
I think I was better off with the laryngitis.
ABOUT one Shakespearean monologue of his, Christopher Plummer says: “I thought it Oscar-worthy until, looking around, I saw the unimpressed crew eating sandwiches.” Also saying he’d “never” do another musical he, in fact, named his famous musical film “The Sound of Mucus.”
During his speech a cell went off. Photographer Bettina Cirone rummaged in her bag to shut it off. Said Plummer: “It’s OK. Sounds better than some sound effects I’ve heard.”
BILL O’Reilly’s annual latest best seller “Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination That Changed America Forever,” out Sept. 27, topped The List five weeks. Ten printings and 950,000 copies later, he just signed for two more books. Publisher, Henry Holt. First is an additional updated memoir to fill in the three weeks since he wrote the last one. Then another presidential history.
THE Kremlin warned the White House not to launch airstrikes against Iran. “Not to worry,” Obama people told Putin people. “We’ve consulted Enron advisers and instead of bombing Iran, we’re thinking of shredding them.”
BLYTHE Danner eating at Eataly . . . DiCaprio, newly known as “J. Edgar,” learned “Titanic” is coming out in 3-D. “Director Jim Cameron called personally to tell me. It’ll be fantastic. I’m scheduled to see it.” . . . Herman Cain supporters: “Whoever else this happened to just crumpled and opted out. Amazing he’s still going forward.”
WONDER how to improve your smile, keep teeth a lifetime, whiten them, etc.? Dental expert Dr. Marc Lazare’s patients Liza and Lorna, Lollobrigida and Sedaka celebrate his new book “The Patient’s Guide to Dentistry” the 21st . . . Salma Hayek on the international situation: “Any educated person knows that no one is interested in the stinking Oscar when there is a war.”
NOV. 19 and 20, 200 types will bark at Javits Center’s Meet the Breeds. Last year 40,000 owners attended. Dog lover in charge is Dennis Sprung, American Kennel Club prez . . . Wednesday Marty Markowitz honors Darren Aronofsky. At Mickey Mantle’s Camp Brooklyn Gala. Marty Markowitz honoring Oscar-nominated “Black Swan” director Darren Aronofsky??? . . . At a Mentor’s Award ceremony, Katie Couric said she’d do everything from the podium. Couldn’t walk around. “My Spanx are too tight.”
ACTOR Tom Conti’s kid Nina and her puppet doing one week at 59E59 Theater’s Brits Off Broadway. During her show, puppet Granny prank-called the Mandarin Oriental inquiring: “Is there a safe place to put my bag — since I sleep in it?” Not only was the receptionist taken aback, the line went dead.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.