Yesterday’s Obama–Romney mishmash. Country cousins wonder if top-secret national security fact-checking and advance priming wasn’t quietly being done re Iran/Iraq/Egypt/Israel/Turkey and the international situation.
Smoke swirling out of corncob pipes is: Last weekend a plane arrived at Upstate Newburgh’s quiet Stewart airport where, mostly, only flies land. From it clambered the vice presidential detail plus Ipana model Biden, who may historically be known more for his dentifrice than his acumen.
A rural fuzz motorcade then escorted him to Connecticut, and the previous brightest bulb to ever light up a State Dep’t — Henry Kissinger.
Checking the VP’s schedule would set Biden’s pearly teeth on edge. And I wish no rumble with Dr. Kissinger. I fear him growling that I don’t know what I’m mumbling about . . .
So . . . if my rural rumors are true — why wouldn’t DC have just called? They can’t find a red phone?
Or maybe if Biden dropped by it was just to see the fall foliage. And if I’m mistaken — which Lord knows is rare — I apologize beforehand to Dr. Kissinger. In front I am abjectly sorry, humbly apologetic, deeply miserable, severely contrite and I beg his forgiveness. OK?
I only know what got whispered to me.
ELIZABETH Taylor’s not about to lie down . . . again. There’s two-time husband Richard Burton’s diaries out now in book form. LindsayLowclasshan’s playing her in a movie. Nov. 25 Lifetime’s airing a thing about her. And as we speak comes Blood Moon Publishers’ “Hot, Unauthorized and Unapologetic! Elizabeth Taylor: There Is Nothing Like a Dame: All the gossip unfit to print” book by Darwin Porter and Danforth Prince.
Holding this 624-page soft-cover with gloves reveals she had a “woman’s body and a child’s mind” and quotes her with: “I can’t tell my true story in any memoir because I’d get sued.”
And: “I’m not a scarlet woman. I’m positively purple.”
When Burton spurned her she “went cocoanuts.” Elizabeth on Page 489: “I get an orgasm just listening to his voice.”
It says Burton peppered her then-husband Eddie Fisher with his saliva saying, “You’re already a star. I’m not, but she’s going to make me one. I’m going to use that no-talent Hollywood nothing.”
After her immortal “Cleopatra” screened: “She rushed back to her hotel suite and vomited.” Reviews were so cruel that she complained: “How could the s – – ts do this to me? This is the best work I’ve done.” Peter Lawford replied, “Then why did you vomit?” and “She slammed down the phone.”
What can I tell you, “War and Peace” it’s not.
PAUL “DJ Pauly D” of may-it-rest-in-peace “Jersey Shore,” snacking on a sweet/sour treat called Sour Patch Kids . . . Danny DeVito, divorcing after married a century to Rhea Perlman, was an involved husband who once told a producer: “I gotta go. Rhea and our kids are waiting for me. We’re bike riding in Central Park.”
YESTERDAY I wrote about “Argo,” for which Ben Affleck deserves Best Director. Its most wondrous character is Ken Taylor, Canada’s ambassador in Iran, who in ’79 protected those six American captives and whom Victor Garber plays in the movie. The story is historic and heroic. The ambassador, later Canada’s consul general in New York, is laid-back delicious.
An old memory comes to mind. 1982. Ken’s leaving diplomatic service and we, his friends, attended his 400th farewell dinner. Donald Sutherland, Ken’s old roommate from Burwash Hall, University of Toronto, flew out of California and arrived on the dais late. Distraught. His tux was mix-and-match. “My secretary packed my last year’s tuxedo jacket with the trousers of my tail coat. Both Armani, but the color’s different,” poor perspiring Donald complained to Ken, the saver of six hostages.
Another story. We’re seatmates at a private Park Avenue dinner for Mayor Ed Koch. One socialite lady got stuck in the apartment’s bathroom. After she went missing maybe 45 minutes, we went to check. Struggling with the jammed door, we got her out. Once again, Canadian diplomat hero Ken Taylor rescued another Yank.
FAITH Hill, Tim McGraw and their daughters at Bice . . . Nicole Miller at Miami’s Forge Restaurant and Wine Bar for something called Funkshion Fashion . . . The Broadway Channel’s resumed “Broadway Profiles” series will star Tamsen Fadal . . . Carla Gugino to jazz up the African Children’s Choir event in December . . . And Nov. 2’s Breeders’ Cup World Championship is featuring a horse owned by Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber.
THE late Telly Savalas’ daughter Ariana, a singer, does tonight’s one-nighter debut at Feinstein’s . . . The late lawyer Marvin Mitchelson’s widow, Marcella, having an art exhibition at Lubner Studios in LA . . . Joanne, Gaga’s parents’ eatery, doing big-time business despite its C rating by the Dep’t of Health . . . Daniel Day-Lewis kvetched that some fans thought he’s Ben Stiller.
HAS Ahmadinejad a weapon of mass destruction? The UN became suspicious when he was overheard saying to an observer: “Pull my finger.”
ANYONE know that Malcolm Forbes’ will left money to definitely not-needy Sirio Maccioni of Le Cirque?