Attention pet lovers:
Sunday. DEC. 8. 2 p.m. Christ Church, 60th & Park. My fifth annual Blessing of the Animals.
Rain or shine. Free. Bring your big and small, fluffy and feathered. Open seating. No RSVPs needed. Space is limited so first come, first served. The whole city’s welcome. No humans without their pets. No pets without their humans.
One-hour nondenominational service. Officiating are the church’s senior minister Stephen Bauman and, for the Jewish animals, senior rabbi Peter Rubinstein from 55th and Lex’s Central Synagogue.
Red-robed children from St. Raymond’s junior choir do three holiday carols. Then, over barking, mewing, whatever, the clergy remind us of God’s biblical creatures.
Next, the processional. Ray Kelly annually sends the NYPD police horses, who are always there to save us. We don’t do oats at the altar so they do not march down the center aisle. The ministers go outside for their blessing. Then, in come police dogs with their handlers.
And farm animals. Some years, sheep, pigs, goats, rabbits, chickens, ducks, geese followed by shelter animals available for adoption.
And then? New York being pet-centric, it’s madness. The rabbi in his silken robe scrooches down on the floor with a Chihuahua. The minister embraces pampered poodles with classier haircuts than Jennifer Lawrence.
It’s a House of Worshipful of every kind. On leashes. In carriers. Cuddled in arms. Squeaking, honking, baying, scratching, nobody cares.
Some wear holiday sweaters. Some flash Santa outfits. My Yorkies — Jazzy, 4 ¹/₂ pounds and his sister Juicy, 3 ¹/₂ pounds — will be inside red Ralph Lauren cashmeres, for which the store’s manager once gave them three separate fittings. I mean, have respect.
This Blessing of the Animals is hosted by the New York Post. Co-presenters are the nationwide Best Friends Animal Society, whose motto is “Save Them All.” And the world-famous Cornell College of Veterinary Medicine. And the Baker Institute for Animal Health.
Cornell, a world-class teaching hospital, America’s oldest veterinary college, the largest university-affiliated emergency and specialty vet practice in the country, is ranked No. 1 in the US. The Baker Institute for Animal Health serves the study of infectious animal diseases, immunology, genetics and reproduction. Best Friends, founded ’84, the only welfare organization based exclusively on the No Kill movement, helped reduce by a fourth the 17 million dogs and cats killed annually in shelters.
So how did I get into this? I was married forever. Then, suddenly, it was a cold day. Dec. 9, 1999. Life took him away. I was terrified, alone. I didn’t know what or how to do. And into this chilly atmosphere a warm puppy — a squirming, squiggling, squawling Yorkshire Terrier weighing 2 ounces, the size of a rat’s ass — was thrust into my arms. One tiny hind leg smaller than a chicken drumstick was bunched up in my right hand. The rest was licking my face. And suddenly a warm feeling came over me. The newest member of my household had just peed on me.
OK, so, now, 14 years later I love my hounds so much I’d leave them my apartment if I thought they could pay the maintenance.
Sunday we’ll have volunteers plus security plus street closure to protect your pets’ safety. Doggy beds in the church lobby will collect donations for needy pooches and pussycats. Hopefully we’ll all help fill pet toy boxes.
We’re ready for lovers of dogs, cats, fish, hamsters (in cages, please), even salty-talking parrots of all ages because their love and companionship is a gift that keeps giving all year. We’ll accept pot-bellied pigs. Even pot-bellied husbands. We’ll have photo booths, sketch artists for your in-house companions, plus balloon makers of four-legged look-alikes.
So, in the spirit of the holiday season, come . . . enjoy a service that commemorates the relationship between New Yorkers and — in my case — even our bed mates.
But . . . please . . . parade Fluffy or Fido beforehand. If you can’t walk the canaries, this we understand. Also, lizards we’re not too thrilled with. And remember, if you’re walking the turtles, don’t waste time. Start now or we’ll have to begin the service before you get there.
Let’s love them all.