Old-time Yiddish comedian Fyvush Finkel. How old-time? He predates the Book of Genesis.
“This weekend I’m working 54 Below, my first nightclub,” he said. “They wanted me for Purim. Two shows, 75 minutes each, one Friday, one Saturday. I’ve done theater, movies, TV. Once, booked for Michael Feinstein’s place, I had to cancel because I got an Adam Sandler movie. I never did a nightclub show before.
“I’ll be with my two sons. And what’s for me to be worried? Anything can hurt me? I’m 91. What could critics do to my career? I’m always busy. I just finished a TV cop show, only I can’t remember the name. At 91 your mind doesn’t wake up so fast.
“I’ll do songs, stories. Like when the Hasidic boy was 18 and traditional parents prearranged a marriage. The matchmaker said, ‘I found a nice girl. Pretty. Kosher.’ And the boy said, ‘Forget that, is she good in bed?’ and the matchmaker said, ‘Who knows. Some people say yes . . . some no.’
“I work all the time, even though Yiddish language theater isn’t here anymore. It’s in Florida and California. Also, because they know me from television, there’s a big market for it in colleges.”
And how does Fyvush Finkel stay fit? Pilates? Yoga?
“Please. My exercise is where I live. I walk in the halls. Also I enjoy myself. Especially when I have to run from ladies in the synagogue. I was married 61 years. She’s gone now. I should marry again? Like some old woman of 65 who’ll just wait for me to pass on? Please.”
Samson eyed
I told you so. Investigations afoot on NJ’s David Samson, Chunky Christie’s chum who was his Port Authority medicine man. I told you — repeatedly — in detail — long back — precisely — such would result. I knew. I told you so . . . And this just in: “We’re excited to invite you to Perez Hilton’s One Night in Austin. Invitations are very limited.” Yeah, wow! They can have mine. Like I’m rushing to Texas.
Tripping with celebs
Travelocity telephone survey: 40 percent prefer holidaying with funny types like Ellen or Fallon. Only a lousy 4 percent wanted a hottie like Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively. “Dancing With the Stars” co-host Erin Andrews rates with guys. Ladies, notttt. One in four 18- to 34-year-olds pick Beyoncé or Timberlake. The most affluent — income of $100K+ — want vacations with Mark Zuckerberg or Marissa Mayer.
Odds & ends
“The Season Weekly” reports “tipsy-looking” Chelsea Handler scratched around for a dance partner at Madonna’s Oscar party . . . Al Pirro, a k a the ex-Mr. Jeanine Pirro, reps LI City strip club Show Palace. Lousy husband, but a nifty lawyer . . . Next from “Downton Abbey’s” real-life countess is a book on Highclere Castle recipes — cricket lunches, 1781 shooting party eats, even Disraeli’s 1866 snack.
See the signs
Hollywood horoscope: Caution. Venus is in your fifth house, Pluto is in your seventh house. And the bimbo is in your beach house.
Tech specs
Techie geeks: There’s a new $1,200 DJI Phantom professional camera. Remote control. Moves 300 meters off. Inside’s a GPS. If the battery dies, it returns to you . . . Also a TiVo Roamio Plus. Basically, a box where you can get anything, anywhere. Off your phone, sync your iPad to whatever show you like, wherever in the world you are. Natalie Morales has it.
Trivial travels
With Syria, Iraq, Ukraine, Philippines, Egypt, North Korea miseries, anyone know why Obama’s wife and kids — who traveled nowhere before he got this job — are flying to China on our taxpayer dime? To do what? Ease poverty? Thump Obamacare so it’ll help others besides inmates?
Central Park lady: “Much I’m grateful for. Like, it’s so nice that wrinkles don’t hurt.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.