Kristen Johnston. Emmy winner on “3rd Rock From the Sun,” played Wilma in some Flintstone thing, comes from — ready? — Whitefish Bay, Wis., and Daddy’s a state senator. Her book’s coming out, movie’s coming out, TV series coming out. She performed nude with the Naked Angels company, got her start with four-letter-worder David Mamet, calls me a “great broad,” attended St. Eugene’s Catholic School and cusses like she didn’t.

“I play an ex-wife in TV’s new sitcom comedy ‘The Exes,’ written by Mark Reisman, who wrote ‘Frasier,’ and it co-stars Donald Faison from ‘Scrubs.’ We’ve done 10 episodes. It follows ‘Hot in Cleveland’ and debuts in November, 10:30 p.m., on TV Land channel,” she said.

“And awhile back Krysten Ritter, another actress with the same-sounding name but different spelling, and I were making the movie ‘Vamps.’ I didn’t know her, but she’s f–king great. She told me she wrote a screenplay, which she’s never done before, and producing it herself, and I said, ‘Well, why the f–k am I not in it?’

“So I’m in it. Called ‘Life Happens,’ it stars Kate Bosworth, Rachel Bilson, Jason Biggs, Krysten and Kristen. It’s young women living under the same roof in LA. I play a really horrible party girl who spends nights doing foolish things, and we see how life changes. One gets pregnant, and when she has a baby I say to her, ‘What’s that?!’ ”

OK, but who are you in real life?

“I live on 11th and Fifth. Teach script technique, not that acting crap, at NYU. Have Pinky, a white pit bull who loves putting its nose in your crotch. My hometown, Whitefish, an hour and a half north of Milwaukee, is beautiful, but I couldn’t wait to get out of it. I’m now strictly a New Yorker. My dad’s in politics, but I’m not into that. Honey, I once did too much fun stuff. I inhaled.

“I don’t do that anymore. No more being a very very drunk gal at dinner parties. That’s over now. I’m sober five years.”

Kristen Johnston’s rough tough Simon & Schuster book is out in March. I read it. There’s nothing she doesn’t tell.

JANE Seymour’s son John, 15, looking to be a singer … Richie Sambora’s daughter Ava Elizabeth, 13, wants to be a model … Good daddy Jamie Foxx took Corinne, 17, sightseeing to Paris.

CONDOLEEZZA Rice: “Standing out to me is the attitude of New Yorkers: ‘You can wound us but can’t defeat us.’ New York’s gone back to being the great melting pot, great crossroads for everybody, which it always was. I don’t feel New Yorkers are fearful because of what happened, but maybe they recognize their common humanity and bond more than before Sept. 11. New York is a great city.”

DAVID Hyde Pierce makes his directing debut at New Jersey’s George Street Playhouse. “It Shoulda Been You” is a musical about weddings. Jewish bride, Catholic groom. And how everything right went wrong. Wrong is why it’s not in New York. Says costumer William Ivey Long: “Broadway producers already attended a reading in Manhattan. Now it’s on tryout. Just cross the bridge. You won’t be washed ashore.”

PRESIDENT Bush the Elder in a wheelchair … Le Cirque was dressy the other night. Jackets and ties are back again … Last year a friend did not want her baby born 9/11. Hospitalized early, labor was induced 9/10 … Connie Britton of “Spin City” getting something called Ona Tan at something called Ona Spa in LA … Simon Cowell leaving his money, the whole lot, to benefit children and animals … TV execs murmuring the Ellen DeGeneres ratings are not generesClint Eastwood: “Movie sets often have gyms. Now at 81, I still do the most dips.”

ON 9/8, the National Arts Club, the American Humane Association honors the 9/11 Hero Dogs.

Tenor Daniel Rodriguez, who stirringly sang “God Bless America” after the attack, serenades these hardworking extraordinary search-and-rescue creatures for providing lifesaving assistance. Special guest, national spokesdog Rin Tin Tin, will ring today’s NY Stock Exchange bell.

Hero Dog judges include Betty White and Animal Planet’s Victoria Stilwell. Its film airs Nov. 11, Veteran’s Day, Hallmark Channel.

FELLOW dog lover Debbie Harry (last year we co-judged ASPCA’s “talent” contest) is selling her vintage wardrobe — 1990s Dolce & Gabbana suit, 2009 Victoria’s Secret stuff, Marc Jacobs dresses, $5,500 bubble-gum-pink leather jacket, plus autographed hang tags. View it at Post Script Couture, 420 W. 14th, then buy on 1stdibs.com. Proceeds to her charity, Riverkeeper.org.

HEARSAY from the presidential bus. Aide: “Forget talking to the people. Better you should be talking to God.” Obama: “Ssssshhh. She’s inside sleeping.”

SO, where to buy bread without running into crazies? Reader Donald Nawi reports this sign in a suburban bake shop: “We are Westchester’s Nut Free Bakery.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.