In the words of Irving Shakespeare: To Tampa or not to Tampa.
Since the heavens have tampa’d with Tampa, I’m here watching Dems roam the nice dry Hamptons.
Saturday Gwyneth, no makeup, meandered East Hampton. Russell Simmons and a female chorus line, who didn’t look like their expertise was politics, lunched in Babette’s. Joy Behar: “Here I am in a beach resort wearing all NYC black. I look like something from the KGB.”
And Bill, Hill, Chelsea and the son-in-law shopped Amagansett’s Lululemon. Chelsea, its frequent shopper, bought sweat pants for spinning. Bill glad handed and with the other hand copped an empty bag. Whoknowswhy. Maybe to schlep his autographed Obama photos. We spoke, and he looked good. Outside stood his ’n’ hers security people, and Hillary made for one of the cars.
Having sold his Niche Media magazine operation about the Hamptons, DC, Boston, etc., Jason Binn’s now out with his newest mag, Du Jour. Its glossy premiere issue just arrived gratis to friends.
Also comes red-hot news that Steve Stanulis, producer, wants Kelly Ripa’s husband, Mark Consuelos, to play a Latin lover in “Stripped the Play,” onstage . . . Wait. More scorching info: New Jersey’s frizzled grilled tanorexic beaut “Tan Mom” Patricia Krentcil? Having stopped frying herself, a couple of whoevers are giving her a hot seat. A roast. Her showbiz debut is Wednesday. At NYC’s saloon Hot Mess.
And in Danielle Steel’s San Francisco home her daughter Vanessa Traina, in a Parisian bridal gown, married Max Snow. Daniele read from the Bible, Proverbs, about the virtuous woman. Among the virtuous women guests was the groom’s aunt Uma Thurman. Mr. & new Mrs. Traina will live in New York City.
But back to the convention in wow-ee . . . yippee . . . damp Tampa. Having been there before, I know the town is really great. Almost like being in the United States.
There’s a song about “Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin’ town . . .” The whole world sings “New York, New York.” How about Tony Bennett’s “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”? Or “Mention My Name in Sheboygan . . .”
About Tampa, nobody even hums.
The difference between residents living in the sun and visitors arriving in the rain is like the Seven Dwarfs. Locals, Happy. Arrivals, Grumpy.
For nailing this venue in hot summer in hurricane season, Florida’s delegation itself is maybe being punished. Several are being housed in some Bates Motel 25 miles from the center ring.
What can definitely be said is that down there, this week at least, not one fund-raiser’s scheduled for our current president who, recently, has seen more affairs than Kim Kardashian.
Heated conversation focuses on that big brane Republican Todd Akin from Missouri who opined on abortion, whom everyone wants disappeared, whose support shriveled, who’s the party’s most right-wing candidate, who thinks it’s the establishment versus him, who claims he’s standing for principle, may hand the Senate to the Dems. He may forever be known as the single-handed pinhead who stopped the GOP from stopping the Democrats.
Political pro Frank Luntz: “If Obama wins, he’ll appoint two Supreme Court justices, new agency heads, new Cabinet members, buddies to run federal agencies, and there’ll be no Republican check on him. Missouri is the 50th state. A swing state.”
So, the point of these conventions?
It’s a representation of the grandeur of US democracy. It’s being surrounded by Americans of every height, weight, girth and accent who love their country. Stepping into 200 years of spectacular patriotism, it’s pride in being a part of this glorious nation.
Speaker Sheldon Silver and the Democrats are laying on a bowling night. NY Republican chief Ed Cox is doing a ballgame at Steinbrenner Field.
So what exactly do the parties’ delegates do?
Voice opinion. Make speeches. Mingle. Eat, drink, wave the flag, give thanks they’re not from nations whose freedom is only a word in Webster. They get a trip. Meet old friends. Sometimes it’s not about accomplishment; it’s about experiencing. Sitting ringside on history.
Red-meat Republicans are chewing on things like: “Running for president, did Obama promise to lower American prestige? Wreck the economy? Make sure there’s no way to get energy? Gut the military? Put people on welfare rather than payrolls? If so, we applaud his promises because that’s what he’s done.
“If not, then he should apologize to the whole world and start with us.”
While planes wait to take off for Tampa and the Republican presidential nominee dissolves into a weather report, between Barack and a hard place gathers the mildewed GOP. Some have temporarily stashed their hats festooned with plastic fruits and signs saying, “Bananas over Romney.” All are wandering around with sneakers and cellphones.
Word is, the whole town looks like a Jerry Springer audience.