Happy Boxing Day! The day after Christmas, when every trash can is overflowing with gift boxes and wrapping paper — except for the stuff saved for re-gifting next year.
In England, where Boxing Day originated, it was a day off for servants, and the day they received a “Christmas box” from the master and took it home to share with their families. Probably leftovers from the noble feast. Income inequality at its most heinous.
I have some leftovers, too — leftover thoughts on what some people should have gotten for Christmas.
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A cornucopia of thanks to Michael Bloomberg, Ray Kelly and even Christine Quinn for keeping a steady hand on the tiller and leaving the city in better shape than it was when they took office. Things could be a lot worse.
May they go on to bigger and better things, or just lower their golf handicaps. They really deserve long vacations after battling their detractors and keeping the peace.
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A new boyfriend for voluptuous Kate Upton, who has split from her “Dancing With the Stars” hunk Maksim Chmerkovskiy. He supposedly had to be in Los Angeles for his acting career, while she had to be in New York for her modeling. But I think she just never figured out how to spell his name.
She won’t be lonely long.
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A Pulitzer Prize for best hoax to Dan Rattiner of Dan’s Papers in the Hamptons for his latest masterpiece.
As I was paying for a Christmas tree on Saturday morning, the two guys at the nursery in Hampton Bays were discussing the upcoming release of African lions by a billionaire in Bridgehampton to eliminate the local deer population.
“What?” said I. “Yeah, he hired a lawyer, and found out it’s legal,” the tree-seller explained. “It’s in Dan’s Papers.”
Rattiner has also penned stories about a subway being built on the South Fork.
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Mariah Carey needs an atlas and a list of dictators to avoid the sort of controversy she engendered with her $1 million performance for Angolan President José Eduardo dos Santos on Dec. 15.
The longtime despot is accused of murdering political opponents and, even worse, journalists. And this comes just five years after Mimi accepted a similar sum to perform for terrorist-nurturing Libyan tyrant Moammar Khadafy.
Is there anyone Mariah wouldn’t take money from now that Osama bin Laden is dead?
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A book on copyright law for Shia LaBeouf so he can learn to stop plagiarizing.
After the “Transformers” star made a short film adaptation of a graphic novel, he was castigated for not crediting the author, Daniel Clowes, and trying to pass the work off as his own.
Then, when he apologized, he ripped off another writer, or two or three, including Charles Bukowski, Tiger Woods, Robert McNamara and Kanye West. Even his Web site is a copy of Dan Nadel’s PictureBox Web site.
Shia, you should know, you’re not the only actor who can read.
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Raspberries for the UN climate-change panel, which produced their second scaremongering report, when the Earth hasn’t been heating up for 17 years now, and today when snow covers a full half of the US.
I’m not a denier, but if mankind is responsible for global warming, how come the Earth was much warmer when the dinosaurs roamed, and when the Vikings were settling in Greenland?
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Sensitivity training for Phil Robertson, the patriarch of the “Duck Dynasty” family. He should know that he is not allowed to express his religious beliefs if they don’t jibe with today’s multicultural, all-inclusive agenda.
Phil and his family will probably make even more money on a new network if they leave A&E, where execs are possibly regretting that they suspended Phil for his odious comments on homosexuality.
But if he wants to stay on the air, he’d better learn that hillbillies aren’t allowed to insult city slickers.
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More quantitative easing for Citibank in appreciation for its sponsorship of the Citi Bike program.
Naysayers expected clueless tourists would get run over and die. They thought the program would be crushed by ambulance-chasing litigators. They thought all the bikes would get stolen. They were — OK, I was — wrong.
It’s working, and it’s expanding. I hope I’m wrong about ObamaCare, too.
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A strand of pearls for Paris Hilton, a former wild child who has become a demure model of comportment since turning 30.
With her porno tape and table-dancing days behind her, she hasn’t even been arrested lately.
The first-ever celebutard who was famous for being famous makes millions hawking various products around the world. She’s even more popular in Japan than stateside.
If she is less interesting as an adult, her younger brother, Barron, is taking up the slack.
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Peace and joy to Robert De Niro, Sarah Jessica Parker, Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and all the other celebrities who live among us, going shopping, taking the subway, taking their kids to school, without squads of bodyguards and without attacking photographers.
You show that it’s not necessary to surround yourself with all the trappings of stardom. Your ego doesn’t require constant affirmation. Bravo!
Endquote
“As sensitive and broadminded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons.”—Dave Barry