CHARLOTTE — Today’s Day Three or Four or Interminable of Obama trying to stay employed. In yet another downpour, damp faces sloshed through Charlotte:
Michael Dukakis, whose new sparse gray hairs made his familiar face unfamiliar.
Ex-Rep. Harold Ford Jr., running around doing NBC interviews.
What Sen. Al Franken, a former comic, does for Minnesota, who knows. What he does in North Carolina, I know. Entertains cops on the curb.
Rosario Dawson? Registered 120,000 Latin voters.
The Creative Coalition’s Robin Bronk imported showbiz names for a thousandth cocktail party. I can’t believe this many cheese wedges and carrot sticks exist in the United States.
So, John Leguizamo, why you here? “Better than staying home fighting with people who don’t agree with me — like my family.”
Tony Shalhoub, why you here? “I didn’t come to previous conventions before because I was employed. Now I’m out of work, so I come.”
Rose Byrne, why you here? “It’s my first time invited. I don’t know much about this. I live in Australia. Wonderful about America is that they receive us.”
Then, be still my heart, some garmento throwing some event here promised an actual real live personal exclusive one-on-one with Perez Hilton. Next to a sit-down with Syracuse’s mayor, who could want more?
Then the CNN Grill’s Stuart Ruderfer seated Adrian Grenier. So, Adrian, why you here? “Doing a show with my band, the Honey Brothers. Jeff Bridges played with us. But right now I’m having a beer.”
Then, as a voice excitedly squeaked, “There’s Bronx BP Ruben Diaz,” came word that Grammy composer Mike Stoller’s new song, “Charlotte,” requested by Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx, was just recorded by Steve Tyrell.
Fliers advertised 25 percent off on all things Obama-ish. Buy big amounts, it said, and half goes to the election, the rest to who knows, another part of the election. And while Democrats were swearing they’re better off now than they were, mischief-makers were quietly at work:
Billboards went up in Cleveland, Denver, Orlando, 20 swing state areas. Now, Charlotte. GasCanMan.com shows a guy costumed in a gas-tank suit. Local radio blares a gas price rollback to when Obama took office. In Clinton’s day, it was 99 cents. When Obama took office, $1.84. Nashville’s pilot program drew lines around the block. Plus police. The event became a pain in the gas.
Assorted interests pirouetted around town. Handsome young Margaret Hoover, who’s “Herbert Hoover’s grandchild, a Republican in favor of gay marriage.” A local radiologist “who can’t be late for my patients” leaves home 1 1/2 hours early to beat traffic and road closings.
And always, everywhere, there’s Arianna. If two Beijing generalissimos met in Nairobi to discuss Kandahar, Arianna Huffington would show up. She led a job creation discussion with people who don’t need jobs.
Moderator Tom Brokaw, he remember when he had no job? “Yes. I dropped out of college as a sophomore. Too many girls, too much alcohol.” Panelist will.i.am, he remember when he first got money? “Yes. Bought my mother a house. Then bought my grandma a house.”
At my table? Also nobody needing jobs. Three mayors — South Bend, Ind.; Kansas City; Racine, Wis. So Wisconsin’s one on Paul Ryan? “My father, a plumber 41 years, said it’s not what you say, it’s what you’ve done. Let’s see what he’s done.” Okayyy.
Delicious was the gossip. “Heard” was “The Democrats have younger celebrities. Also younger voters.” And, “You go nuts finding your way in Charlotte. No north or south. It’s not a grid like New York.”
Quiet circles discussed a lack of patriotism, blaming it on homogeneity. Our country was founded on immigrants. That’s how we were, are, and must always be. Grandparents, ancestors, even today’s youth, all came from someplace. In the old days, everyone admired us. In the old days, allegiance was to this new free democratic God-blessed land.
Today new arrivals have their own newspapers. Speak different languages. Adapt their homegrown styles and customs. Resent what we are. Families remain in the old country. Money goes back to the home country. It’s not the same.
There’s also chat that nobody remembers another incumbent battling so fiercely for his job. No time for governing. Just fund-raising. It isn’t what you can do for your country, it’s what you can do for Barack.
The man’s earned millions. And, without worrying about the increase in airline tickets, his family’s trotted the globe on our dime. At least he’s one rookie better off now than he was four years ago.
One more note. Every speaker — Ann Romney, Mitt Romney, Mitt’s VP, Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, Julian Castro, Michelle Obama — each — said exactly the same. Their parents were poor, mother and father struggled, the family slaved to put them through orthodontia or whatever . . .
Romney-man, turn off the dark.