Thanksgiving.
Webster: “Act of expressing thanks to God. Grateful acknowledgment of benefits or divine favors.”
Philippians 4:6. “Confessing with gladness, the benefits and mercies, which God bestows either upon ourselves or others.”
OK, now that that’s over and we’re into stuffing the stuffing, let’s get to our appreciations:
Hevesi’s glad that he’s newly out. Petraeus is happy he was formerly in. One more note. In honor of our agile four-star general, every Twinkie has been taken down. His, too.
Kathie Lee Gifford’s gladness at getting her Aimee Semple McPherson “Scandalous” produced . . . Henry Winkler was thrilled he was on B’way. I was thrilled his show, “The Performers” — a vulgar vile scatological mess with no plot but with repeated four-letter words and simulated sexual acts — closed after seven performances.
More extreme expressed happiness:
Scott Stringer for finding another job to run for because he wasn’t getting mayor.
Lindsay Loonihan and family for making no headlines today.
John Edwards. Thankful we needn’t suggest a trip to hell. We can just tell him to get on the Second Avenue subway.
On this national public holiday kindness and understanding toward Jennifer Aniston, who dumped New York because she hates living here . . . Solicitude and appreciation for Denise Rich, who worked the US government’s pardon for her ex-husband then repaid the favor by denouncing American citizenship.
Randy DSK? Losing being president of France? Also his future, career, money, and marriage because he was playing potsy with a chambermaid and in his spare time played potsy in European sex games? Not sure what he’s thankful for but, listen, this is an American holiday and he’s a Frenchman, so who cares?
Deep protracted blessing at thinking NYC’s bicycle czarette Jeanette Sicko could soon be out on her khan . . . Clasped hands in prayer that the Triboro is now the Robert F. Kennedy, the Queensboro Bridge is now the Ed Koch, the Brooklyn Battery is now the Hugh Carey. Next, Secaucus could be renamed Joe Bidenville.
And everyone’s favorite Mel Gibson will celebrate by raising a glass. To himself.
Chris Christie. Thankful tomorrow when someone pulls a fourth sweet potato off his gums, but sorrowful Friday when Obama doesn’t return his call. And I believe North America’s insanely happy that babymaker Schwarzenegger stopped hustling his book, got off our talkshows and is devoting himself to meeting Octomom.
All together now — yea and hooray — that shortly John Liu may somehow say bye-bye to his liuser career.
Listen, about Prince Harry even Queen Elizabeth doesn’t speak.
Diane Keaton goes to her mom for Thanksgiving. “I’m useless. A disappointment to everyone. I can’t cook.” . . . Robert Downey to his mother-in-law in Palm Desert “but not empty-handed. I bring an option on the pecan pie.” . . . Forget Mary McFadden. One year she toured an African museum and ate sturgeon.
Matt Dillon: “All I know is I’m going to stuff my face and eat and eat.” . . . Jane Alexander alternates. Her house or her brother’s house . . . Nathan Lane: “I only know whenever you spend it with your family it ends up s – – tty.” . . . One year Pete Rose had lots to be grateful for. He made a buck off autographs — $65 per signed ball.
Lisa Kudrow, good in the kitchen, cooks three turkeys for 30 people. “I like smaller birds instead of a big one because they’re more moist and more parts.”
She once asked me: “Are three 10-pounders enough?” She asked me? Emeril Lagasse light? For me, water is takeout.
At the Al Rokers, Al cooks. At Glenn Close’s, Glenn does not. All’s catered . . . Susan Sarandon and daughter Eva Amurri yearly play the board game “Wise and Otherwise.” Given half a saying, you must guess the other half. . . . Julianne Moore’s little family at their beach house get her usual cornbread recipe.
Stephen King’s special food is peanut butter fried in Wesson oil with Cheerios . . . Billy Bob Thornton was raised on a diet of possum and squirrel, so him I never even asked anything . . . Molly Ringwald: “I can’t cook. I only eat. My mother’s a chef.”. . . Yogi Berra. “Turkey? Please. We do ravioli.”
Larry King: “My Jewish mother knew from duck and goose, so that’s what I’m used to.” . . . Curtis Sliwa: “I do capon, which is a castrated rooster. The thing tastes better.”. . . Chazz Palminteri: “I’m Italian. My wife can’t cook for s – -t. Once I threw out her turkey, and we did pasta.”. . . Joan Allen: “I do a good sausage and mashed potato. The rest my mother cooks.”
Olympia Dukakis: “I like pork loin. My name’s Dukakis. Greek. Do I care what those Brits ate?”
Me, I’m visiting a friend this weekend. Friday, Saturday and Sunday it’ll be leftover turkey, turkey pot pie, turkey hash, turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey giblets. By Monday’s turkeyburgers, I’m back doing the column.