Latest movie-star memoir? Alan Arkin. Publisher: Da Capo. Title: “An Improvised Life.”
“Since I’m 5 I wanted to act,” he told me. “My brilliance in kindergar ten was thanks strictly to wits and timing. My poet father made a living but was never happy. But if it wasn’t show business, I didn’t care about it. Even as a kid, all I wanted was to hitchhike to Hollywood.”
And life now?
“I’m no big-city guy. I need open spaces. I’m from Brooklyn, but home now is New Mexico. A small house — no teepee — almost paid for on five acres. Enough to take care of my wife. I’m not rich. I never had that category. I did mostly independent small projects. Taos has Whole Foods, music, opera. It lacks only Bloomingdale’s.
“I’m the happiest person I know. I once suffered depression, but 45 years ago my stand-in, lousiest job, lowest on the set’s totem pole, was so happy. Me, the star, was miserable. I angrily asked him why. And he taught me mysticism. Now I meditate.
“So no complaints. My kids talk to me. None have ever been in jail. Adam‘s a big director. Matthew‘s a writer, Tony‘s a cinematographer. All are filmmakers although none, so far, put me in their movies.
“This book I wrote myself over years. I didn’t plan it. A Native American school had me teach an improvisation workshop. Not sketch comedy. Not improv like ‘SNL.’ All acting. It was successful, so I added material, wrote down things, added background. It got circulated, published in the school magazine, and that’s what happened.
“It’s out March 1, so when I’m in New York selling it, you’ll recognize me. I’m the one with the leather headband.”
FEBRUARY Town & Country’s Wil liam Norwich repeated my phrase: “It was a night of 1,000 face-lifts.” Thanks . . . George Stephanopoulos, playing Daddy, took two little Stephanopouli to “Freckleface Strawberry,” the B’way musical of Julianne Moore‘s kids book . . . Nuela restaurant is South American food. Peruvian. It’s new. It’s on West 24th. It’s a treat . . . PJ Marks and Michael Wachs of Bravo TV’s “Millionaire Matchmakers” hit the Lower East Side’s CV lounge. Surrounded by ladies hoping to become millionaires.
SECURITY guy Mike Zimet, who guards every VIP or showbiz celeb rity event, on the Arizona tragedy:
“Outer perimeter is prime line of defense. Security at entry points deters potential violence. People often forego their mission for “softer targets.” Outdoors is risk. Had the Arizona event been inside behind metal detectors, the assassin mightn’t have entered the area.
“Middle perimeter is security inside. At corners. General observation. A second measure of protection. They can react quickly.
“Inner perimeter, a VIP with personal protection nearest the protectee, is the last line of defense. The mantra is ‘cover and evacuate.’ Get the person out of harm’s way into a safe area fast.
“Security is proactive not reactive. Chances are no one initially screened [Jared Lee] Loughner, arriving with his weapon, at the entry.”
HOSPITALIZED Zsa Zsa can’t be reached. Under an assumed name, with no phone access per her hus band’s orders, not even her daughter, Francesca, can get through . . . A dozen p.r. events scheduled here this week. Friday’s the final Oscar voting day . . . Those friends who starred in “Friends” — Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston — all want another one-shot “Friends” movie next year. Matt LeBlanc says better not. Better to leave them all be. He refuses.
LIZA You-Know-Who and Lorna You- Know-Who lunched the other day, and Miss Minnelli attended Miss Luft’s performance at Feinstein’s . . . Lawyer Chris Seeger lost 15 pounds. No diet. Jiu-jitsu and boxing . . . Next month Don Cheadle to cable TV. “House of Lies,” half-hour comedy series about management agents . . . Larry King into NYC Feb. 13 to see Al Pacino‘s Shakespeare shtick “The Merchant of Venice.”
R.E.M. singer Michael Stipe: “I nearly died at 14. I was a Boy Scout lost on top of a mountain. It was very cold, wet and horrific. My father thought I was dead. First stage of hypothermia is uncontrollable shivers. Then, hallucinations. Then you fall asleep — then you’re gone. I had the first two stages. When I got home I went inside and almost never came out. I’ve since developed a fear of the outdoors.”
STARBUCKS not only changing its logo, I’m hearing it’s also changing its menu. Their Israel franchise will soon serve Caffe Latke . . . Calm yourselves with this news. “Godzilla” is returning to the big screen. British director Gareth Edwards, who did “Monsters,” will direct.
THIS lady, whose dog just died, bumped into an old friend who asked, “How’s your daughter?” Hear ing impaired, she replied: “The dog’s dead, but I’ll survive because I just got two cats.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.