Lest you woke this morning unaware what Prince Charles is doing, I herewith tell you what Prince Charles is doing. He attended King Mihai’s 90th birthday. So who’s that? Tsk tsk. Shameful you only know who Lindsay Lohan and Kris Humphries are. He’s the last king of Romania, cousin to Queen Elizabeth, his father was King Carol, and his wife Ann’s French.
Don’t look for your invite. The party in their palace in downtown Bucharest had guests like King Simeon of Bulgaria and Juan Carlos of Spain. Prince Charles, with a stake in Transylvania, related to bloodthirsty lord Vlad the Impaler who speared his enemies, is up to his orbs in everything organic. He requested vegetarian food.
TOMMY Iommi, Black Sabbath’s founding guitarist, the father of heavy metal, paid a call. All in black — black hair, black beard, black stache, black suit, black shirt, black socks, black boots. His mood, however, sunny, as he discussed drugs, drink, conquests, critics, comebacks, sleaze, Satan, trashing hotel rooms, tragedy, music, marriages and madness. His Da Capo memoir’s “Iron Man: My Journey Through Heaven and Hell With Black Sabbath.”
“My life sounds awful,” he said. “I’m from England’s rough area. Gang fights. Playing jokes on each other. Like pouring alcohol on a friend then setting him afire and burning it off. Like once I said, ‘Bill, can I set fire to you?’ He said, ‘Busy . . . so not just yet.’ Later he said, ‘I’m going home now, so if you want you can set fire to me.’ I threw a bucket over him, and he went on fire. It soaked third-degree burns into his legs.
“He could take it, so we always started with him. In Bel Air we got drunk, so seemed a good idea to spray him head to toe with gold paint then lacquer him. His skin couldn’t breathe. Thought he’d die. We called the hospital, who asked, ‘What’s wrong with him?’ We said, ‘He’s naked and in gold paint.’ So they gave him an injection. He’s still with us. Once he asked, ‘Is something wrong?’ Why? ‘You haven’t done anything to me.’
“With drugs always you get bored, so you must do something to one another. Like Ozzy hauling a shark through a window, dismembering it and soaking our room in blood.”
Sounds like fun. Any regrets?
“Sure. We had management problems, I married four times. Was a lousy husband. I suddenly didn’t feel good, so I stopped drugs. No rehab. I’m a country squire. Live on a farm with dogs and chickens. All I want is to work. I’m dedicated to working. Listen, I’ve set up equipment inside an enormous dungeon in a huge castle in Wales. And worked. I felt creative.
“I talk to Ozzy couple times a week. He’s up, down. I love him, although his attention span lasts three seconds.
Tommy’s black outfit featured a giant gold cross larger than any in St. Peter’s. ”Never without it,” he said.
ATTORNEY Jonathan Goldberg’s Cherub Improv holding a benefit for cancer patients the 15th at Tribeca Cinemas . . . JFI Jets owner Arik Kislin bought Frank Sinatra’s jet from Harrison Ford . . . Adding to “Other Desert Cities” raves, daughter Karolina, at London’s Academy of Music and Dramatic Art, and son Shannon, teaching business in Warsaw, called from Europe to wish Stacy Keach and wife of 25 years Malgosia luck on dad’s opening.
JOE Frazier, whom I knew as such a champ, is now fighting for his life. I remember his pectoral-to-pectoral diamond and gold jewelry in a “Night of 100 Stars” gala. And ruffled shirt sporting a gold lavalier the width of a crate at a Donald Trump wedding. And the Muhammad Ali-Joe Frazier fight making MSG Network’s “50 Greatest Moments at Madison Square Garden.” And him telling me 10th grade expelled him for punching a classmate.
Joe, now you have to beat this one.
I’VE phoned around. NYC moneymen, bankrolling Mitt, say basically: “He’s not great. He had a charisma bypass. He’s just the only shot. But we’ll support whoever’s the nominee because we’re focused on getting rid of B.O.” DC money says: “The GOP has nobody, so we have no chance. It’s an Obama win.”
AMANDA Seyfried to immortalize porno’s Linda Lovelace in the new film “Lovelace” . . . Taylor “Twilight” Lautner to star and produce something based on some New Yorker article. Gus Van Sant will direct, and if somebody knows something more on this, somebody should tell me . . . Carmine’s. Theater District. West 44th. Family style Italian. Reasonable prices. Good food. Fast service. So crowded you can barely squeeze in . . . Also must tell you about everyone’s favorite restaurant. Fiorello’s. Opposite Lincoln Center. Owner Shelly Fireman has some of the best eateries in NYC.
THIS lady says: “I read obituary pages daily. I know more people on them than on Page Six.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.