Even beings on planet Jupiter know Keith Olbermann’s a big mouth. Someplace on planet Earth some of us sometimes find some of it somehow true somewhat.
Tuesday, I was on his other phone as producers pre-interviewed him before he did “Letterman,” and admitted he “screwed up,” and called himself a $10 million chandelier in the crappy house of Current TV, which he is no longer on currently. What he told us both may coincide, I don’t know. I only know here’s what he told me:
“No surprise I’m off their air now. I thought it might happen earlier. There were 83 strikes against it. Those people have no idea what they’re doing. With large amounts of money and people at stake, my idea was Hold On.
“Twenty-five friends, with me for years, came with me to Current. They needed job security. I love every one, and with so much wrong with the operation I worried we’d be canceled. I did all I could to make it work. I’m hurt I let them down.
“Look, it can never be said I complained publicly. I never took the problems outside the workplace. I knew it was failing, but I was going down with the ship.
“I didn’t vet the operation carefully before signing on. I trusted things because Al Gore’s behind the operation, and I retain the belief he’s well-meaning.
“But they’re running out of money. Behind in their bills. For location interviews you must pay satellite time, studio time, technical types. August I heard those vendors hadn’t been paid. One exec quit because this was ruining her reputation.”
Get to bitching about his car service.
“Cars weren’t being paid. We didn’t fire them. They fired us!”
Get to not communicating with the higher-ups.
“Please. The one who says that? How about that e-mail I personally sent him recently?”
Unwilling to work on election nights?
“The doctor once ordered my mouth epoxied or sewn shut. I was ill. He demanded I stay silent. In all, I’ve taken two weeks off. One was Christmastime.
“Listen, I need 24 hours nonstop talking to get truths out. I don’t know Current’s new strategy. Their executives can’t come off as if they failed. Their p.r. people are dumping on me.
“I contacted Al Gore, whose response was I must deal with Current’s executives.
“I’m not in bad shape for now. They’re saying things that aren’t true, and it’ll shake out in a lawsuit. I only know I’m in the right.”
NICKI Minaj celebrated her new album “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded” in a private room at Philippe Chow New York. On East 60th. Best Chinese restaurant this side of Shanghai . . . To open a branch in the 20s, Heartland Brewery Corp.’s having Community Board 5 opposition in terms of getting a liquor license . . . Palm Beach spending $1,000 a month to spray ficus hedge areas. White fly disease. All together now, awwww poor rich Palm Beach.
THE Jackie Mason saga. I was away when he and his ladyfriend traded fisticuffs besides who knows what else they traded. I thus belatedly weigh in because I know him forever.
Even before I was in the uterus my late assistant Marcee was playing a little patty-cake with him. Or trying to. Or saying she was. Or thinking she might. Or hoping they could.
Brilliant, talented, superintelligent mercurial Jackie is also wacky. If not, how else could he survive? You’re flaky in this town, or you don’t belong. He flares up. He has a temper.
Do I like him? Who knows? I’m not sure. Half the time he loves me and tells people I’m great. Half the time he hates me and won’t speak to me. Do I care? No. Either way suits me.
I know his longtime wife. Jyll, his personal manager, is smart. Lets him do and go and be.
Why not? She’s got the ring, the legitimacy, the apartment, the money and she doesn’t have to have him. They live separately. What could be better?
He’s a player. Always had a lady or some reasonable facsimile. What goes on with them, who knows? Maybe he relates exciting celebrity stories like when he met Abe Vigoda. Maybe if you leave Viagra nearby, his Lego set will build itself. Maybe he recites old routines that start with: “A funny thing happened to me on the way to the senior citizens home.”
I only know this whole front-page hoo-ha, whichever way it goes, is a plus for him. Age waythehellupthere, and he can still Do It. Or Try It. Or Consider It? Mazel tov.
Let him hire Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend Chris Brown as an image consultant.
I* case it comes up, you should know Shaquille O’Neal’s good-luck charm is blue toenails. Platinum sky-blue color. Once he stubbed his toe, and his mom applied nail hardener solution on the ouchie to soothe it. That night he scored 46 points and began using that toenail color for good luck.
TWO guys living together. Their 14-year-old dog hates being alone. Barks incessantly.
Now each alternately takes her to their respective Manhattan offices. Problem solved.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.