Question: What’s the difference between political parties and the Boy Scouts? Answer: The Boy Scouts have adult leaders.
A recent poll stated that 85 percent of Americans are confused about foreign policy. This is especially alarming when you consider the poll was taken at the State Department.
Let it be known a good man nowadays is hard to find, which is one reason we must settle for people in office.
My information is that before Hollywood’s recent big political fund-raiser, the finance committee said they needed $50 million. One movie star said: “But the campaign won’t need that much.” The committee said: “Yes, but in case the candidate loses he wants to be able to live comfortably.”
But, kiddies, even in political season we dassn’t be hostile to politicians. Judeo-Christian societies preach kindness toward our fellow men and women. Especially to those unfortunates who can’t find a real profession.
We’re not talking solid-gold creeps like John Edwards, whose johnny already determined what kind of work he’s out of. Let’s not even discuss Rod Blagojevich. Sen. Jesse Helms, who signed admission of guilt for violating voting rights. Oregon’s Sen. Packwood charged with sexual harassment. Married Sen. Larry Craig, who now has some memorial men’s bathroom named after him in Minneapolis airport. In 2010, Tom DeLay. Three years for money laundering.
Forget even Michael Deaver, Reagan’s deputy chief of staff. Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger, whom a jury smacked and the elder Bush pardoned. Remember how Nixon delivered a championship ball club: VP Spiro Agnew. Attorney General John Mitchell — perjury. H.R. Haldeman — perjury. John Dean and Ehrlichman also a little bit lousy.
The Big Apple’s produced some rotten apples, too. Latest? Big bad bum Espada, who knew that if you fool constituents to get their money, it’s fraud — but if you fool constituents to get their votes, it’s politics. His mantra? Some lose because nobody knows what they’ve done; others win for the same reason.
In light of voters’ temperature, the IRS might redo its tax form. Next year, where it says “dependents,” I hear we might be able to deduct state senators.
How about Vito Fossella, Congressman, 2008, DUI arrest. Alan Hevesi, NYC comptroller 1994 to 2001, now residing in the can. Back a ways Mario Biaggi. Rep. Robert García, who missed the Good Housekeeping Award and was forced to resign. Congressman Bert Podell who served four months away. Right now there’s youshouldexcusetheexpression that lulu Liu’s campaign person.
More and more are doing something for their colleagues. They’re becoming pen pals.
I myself know three who verge on retiring. And could be honored with a testimonial probe.
Listen, some local pols have such an absentee record that they’d make it in the House of Representatives — but would I ever say such a thing? Not me.
Hearing unfriendly countries accuse us of spying is ridiculous. I mean, please. We’re not trying to find out what’s happening in, for instance, North Korea. We’re too busy trying to find out what’s going on in Washington. If only so we can brief Biden.
Is everyone picking on politicians because we haven’t royalty to attack? Go after Prince, Larry King, Earl Monroe, Patty Duke, triple-named dictator Sacha Baron Cohen. Pick on old Steve McQueen movies. Leave nice Obama alone. He hasn’t done anything.
I’m upset at complaints that this presidential election is steeped in dirty politics. Excuuuuse me. That’s the American way. In 1793, Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson retired to attend to his affairs — one being Sally Hemings via whom he made several Jeffersons — and said, “Politics is a useless waste of time.” However, as doubting Thomas, author of our Declaration of Independence, muttered this he was also plotting to be president.
Long before landing on the dollar bill, George Washington, of whom you may have heard, was also heard to claim he’d prefer being back on Martha’s front porch swilling Madeira. Also that being this new nation’s No. 1 was like “a culprit going to the place of execution.”
1796. John Adams (no relation) said no man can be president without becoming — as our Founding Father graciously put it — “the butt of party malevolence.”
1836. Congressman Davy Crockett accused candidate Martin Van Buren of wearing women’s clothing: “He is laced up in a corset.” 1864. Candidate George McClellan called opponent Abe Lincoln: “A well-meaning baboon.”
Skip a few weeks, and go to 1976. Jimmy Carter, whose hometown was along the shores of Gitche Gumee, stated daughter Amy, 13, informed him on matters of global importance. She counseled on “nuclear weaponry.” Today other savants, Sasha and Malia, told Big Daddy to support same-sex marriage.
The 2007 book “Anything for a Vote” states 1988’s Michael Dukakis versus George H.W. Bush campaign was “mudslinging, bitter, vicious, dirty and mean.” Author Joseph Cummins writes that wee Dukakis, 5-foot-8, proved the ancient proverb: “Easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a short dude to enter the White House.”
Hey, may the best welterweight win.