Pain in the brass Petraeus: A) The FBI not only devoted substantial resources, but B) as a personal favor for a friend of one of its agents also engaged in highly invasive surveillance solely to learn who was harassing her by e-mail.
Nobody knew nothing about Benghazi and killing our ambassador, but everybody checked everything relating to our married four-star general’s cheating. All of which our commander-in-cheat knew zippo about until the day after his election.
JUDD Apatow wrote, directed and stars his family in the new movie “This Is 40.” No giant bronzed Gulliver flashing rhinestone jeans. Simple blue suit, skinny-unpowerful blue tie, white shirt, button cuffs, plain black shoes, $12 haircut.
“My career started as a comic. I did stand-up at the Improv. Love comedians. I wrote jokes for Roseanne Barr, Garry Shandling. On ‘The Larry Sanders Show,’ I learned by watching. Success wasn’t quick. Three shows canceled before TV season started, and four ended as pilots. Fortunately, my spending was small — $425 a month rent.
“I try to re-create truth for each stage of life. Life’s funny enough, so you needn’t go too broad to depict something broad. This film has a vacation scene. Great time to escape, so suddenly the couple’s again foxing, and it continues when they get back home.
“Another scene is the family taking the Wi-Fi away and the kids have meltdowns. It actually happened with my daughter Iris, who’s 10.”
As a hotshot now paying more than $425 a month rent, what else changed?
“My weight. I began pilates, stopped eating like a pig, and lost 10 pounds. I collect autographs, like John Lennon sketches, old Groucho Marx letters. Second season of ‘Girls,’ which I co-produce is starting in the spring. I’m producing ‘Anchor Man 2.’
“By the way, turning 40 was no great birthday for me. I watched my actress wife, Leslie Mann, film an erotic dance for three hours with Zac Efron.”
Said Leslie shepherding daughter Iris: “Actress and mother meant double work for me. On sets since they’re babies, seeing it all work, both kids, including Maude, who’s 14, are good actors. Beforehand we discussed the dialogue, characters, how the scene develops. They memorize easily. Their brains are like sponges.
“We paid them $50 a week. Iris is buying a dog. Maude, a computer. Not sure, however, they want to be in show business.”
Leslie wore beige heels, false lashes and a black Temperley dress. Not hers. “Please, all I own myself is sweat.”
Inside a coat with a dandy’s velvet collar came Vanity Fair Editor-in-Chief Graydon Carter: “Judd asked me to edit our next issue. We did it together. He’s my guest editor. I’m at this screening because he invited me.” Graydon, who also grabs small movie roles, added: “Although I could use the work, I’m not in this. I think I need a new agent.”
LAWSUITS against LIPA? Anyone recall my slam last week about Long Island Power Authority’s interim CEO and long gone administration leftovers? . . . Nikki Reed on the new “Twilight” saga: “We were all best friends. Now that competition and fame crept in, we’re not. Once this franchise is over, we won’t all be friends.” . . . Early Thanksgiving gift from Benjamin Franklin, who fathered something like 24 illegitimate children: “Men should stick with older women. They’re experienced, grateful and discreet.”
RJ Kelly, Secret Servicenik on USA’s “Political Animals”: “I’ll tell you one thing about my character. He looks great in a Speedo.”. . . Brian Williams’ kid Allison who’s in “Girls”: “I’m a TV junkie. I watch all my programs.”. . . Universal chief Ron Meyer: “Movies — ‘Skyfall,’ ‘Twilight’ — it’s the greatest form of entertainment ever created. Forget CDs, DVDs or what, it won’t change for 100 years. You sometime still have to go out of the house.”
DENZEL Washington parsing success in the Hollywood Reporter: “I tell my daughter at NYU: “ ‘You’re black, you’re a woman. You have to be a triple/quadruple threat. You gotta learn how to dance, sing, move onstage. Viola Davis is who you want to be. Forget about the little pretty girls. When you hit 40, you’re out the door.’ ”
ATT: Chris Christie, who maybe now stopped sobbing at seeing Bruce Springsteen In Person. In January, book’s out titled “E Street Shuffle.” Publisher, Viking. Price, $27.95. Calls Bruce a “brooding introvert” before he became a swaggering stadium-packer . . . Cosmopolitan’s Joanna Coles created Cosmo Cobb salad — feta, lobster, tomato, avocado, bacon, romaine, endive, vinaigrette — which Michael’s keeps on the menu all month. Proceeds to Sandy victims.
SUNDAY a doctor volunteer in Long Beach brought coats, bandages, school supplies. The town proper doesn’t exist anymore. Middle-class people on line for beans and used clothing. Homes destroyed. No restaurants or shops. Unbelievable. Total armageddon. Asked if she needed coats for her four kids, a mother replied: “No space. I don’t have any place. We can only wear what’s on our backs since we had to move into one room.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.