Now, for just-opened “The Book of Mormon.” Amen and praise the Lord it’s clever. Smart. So clever, so smart that will buses from Wichita cram the balcony — who knows? The stagecraft, scenery, costumes, actors, direction excellent. Its creativity, stunning. But. Vulgar, foul, filthy, degrading — thou shalt not even asketh. Lines like “F – – k you, God.” Songs on defecating. Repetitive lyric being “S – -t.” A character’s named with a four-letter word. Male organs are simulated. A Mormon’s labeled by Dick Tracy’s first name. And one character rapes babies. OK?
Witty without the need to appear worldly by jolting us into shocked laughter, its unnecessary vulgarity borders on high school.
Another freshly arrived musical deals with drag queens. And coming up is the F-word in a title. People, what is happening to Broadway?!
My seatmates on such verbiage:
Tony Roberts: “Rehearsals must’ve been great.”
Kristen Wiig: “No problem. I swear with all those words myself.”
Edie Falco: “Occasionally, I’m known to utter one or two such phrases.”
Tyne Daly: “Always use them — particularly one repeated in this show — scrotum.”
David Hyde Pierce‘s total comment: “Oh, f – – k.”
This show shouldst wash its mouth out with soap.
PLAYING Cleopatra while playing Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor nearly bankrupted 20th Fox. David Fincher (“The Social Network”) now directs its remake with Angelina Jolie, this generation’s Elizabeth Taylor, as Cleo . . . More E.T. One claiming access to hospital records says she suffered a condition other than heart trouble . . . Self humor caused Elizabeth to write moviedom’s late famous couturiere Florence Klotz: “Now if you could only control my boobs.”
IT’s remake time. In days of yore, Wil liam Powell, Myrna Loy and the dog Asta made “The Thin Man.” It’s coming again with “Chicago” director Rob Marshall . . . Amy Adams, Tom Cruise, Mary J. Blige, Alec Baldwin for the film “Rock of Ages.” Anne Hathaway backed out. A conflict with filming “The Dark Knight Rises.” Or maybe she’s hosting the Nobel Prize Awards?? . . . Darrell Hammond to class up Bay Street Theater’s Truman Capote story “TRU.”
AMERICA’s first female vice presidential candidate, battling illness a dozen years, once called to say she’s going to Lourdes. I was not to reveal Geraldine Ferraro’s final days. My friend was coming home from the hospital over the weekend. Assistants said Thursday she might manage a word if I phoned Monday. I didn’t wait. I phoned Friday. Not even adoring husband John Zaccaro answered their private phones.
Our last dinner at Daniel’s, Gerry was thin. Her voice low. She thanked Clairol “every two months when my roots grow back in.” She said “people plead guilty due to the financial legal drain.”
I remember: Flashing grandkids’ photos whether you cared or not . . . Christmas cards featuring the whole family . . . Hugging Hillary at Bloomberg‘s house . . . Dinner at my house . . . Her Park Avenue co-op embarrassment “compared to my modest childhood home.” . . . A million dollars for her autobio advance . . . Repledging marriage vows decades later . . . Patty Duke starring in her ABC bio . . . Yet unrecognized in a 47th Street photo shop.
I loved Geraldine Ferraro.
Ben Stiller and Rosie Perez applauding John Leguizamo‘s super one-man hyped-up show “Ghetto Klown,” with its imaginary pimps, gangsters, Hollywood ho’s. He’s marvelous onstage . . . Old-school, old-time Italian restaurant/nightclub Jaguars opening May in Brooklyn . . . Actress Cassandra Seidenfeld behind the Women’s Project helping female playwrights . . . Victoria Beckham carries colored crystals for “good energy and luck.”
LEGAL types decimating Irving Picard, the Madoff case bankruptcy trustee, opine: “In practice 50 years we never saw such a vindictive manner. Like a headline-seeking prosecutor, not an officer of the Court.”
Critics wonder — with no constraints, filing more than 1,000 lawsuits — who’ll try all these cases? Since many can’t afford litigation, the man’s trying to coerce settlements. Cynics suggest one motivation is his firm’s lifetime revenue stream: Already billing $300 million, he projects another $1.2 billion in legal and consulting fees.
I’m told it’s an open checkbook. Fees are paid by SIPC, the Security Industries’ Investor Protection Corporation. A special prosecutor (remember Maurice Nadjari and Kenneth Starr?) answers to no one. Not even the bankruptcy judge, who reviews only cases before him. Under the umbrella of recovering money, some innocent victims’ rights are being abused.
Just telling you what I’m hearing.
SHERATON Hotel garage says there’s no such thing — but a regular who parks there complains its cashier sign says no bills higher than $20.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.