London. We now discuss Her Majesty’s seven-vessel Jubilee flotilla. The royals themselves inhabit five. First one carries Her Maj, Charles, Camilla, Anne, Andrew, Edward and HRH Prince Consort Philip, who, by the way, slinks around anonymously under a baseball cap inside a black taxi without its rooftop light. And, no, the Sovereign of England, Wales, Scotland and parts of Ireland is not strapped into the jump seat banging on the glass.
In lesser rank come the others. Number Two holds sub-Princesses Beatrice (who wore that freaky bagel-shaped hat at William’s wedding) and Eugenie, the kids of Andrew and ex-wife the Duchess of Fergie. Miss Future-Queen Middleton, whose relative’s a stripper and whose sister is Her Rumpness, travels with the Admiral of the Fleet. Princess Pushy, that’s Michael of Kent, is in Raft Number Four.
TO save a few farthings, word is H.M. Elizabeth Regina will replace the Palace Guard Beefeaters with vegetarians. I can’t confirm this, but another rumor is she’ll maybe let out Windsor for weddings and bar mitzvahs.
VISITORS not in England are in Israel. Tel Aviv Dan’s top floor has Madonna. Spending all day at Ramat Gan Stadium rehearsing for Thursday’s World Tour opening. Nobody sees her . . . Mandy Patinkin and Claire Danes there filming the new season of “Homeland” . . . “CSI”-niks Jonathan Frederick Togo, Carmine Giovinazzo, A.J. Buckley and Omar Benson Miller touring the country.
BACK to America. Memorial Day. Wonderful to see the patriotism of our early veterans. Outside the 67th and Park Armory, a grizzled senior, in Army fatigues, stood at rigid attention saluting our flag as a small parade marched past. It was heart-stopping.
Not heart-stopping was our Commander-in-Chief’s prepared rah-rah: Reading word for word how America will stand by its veterans and thanks to all who gave their lives for our country — a professional do-the-job speech crafted by others. I know we need cue cards and teleprompters. But spouting phrases from some Prepared Veterans Speech No. 46 just doesn’t cut it when it comes to devotion.
GARY Budge, the Algonquin’s GM, on its makeover:
“One liquidator took the old furnishings in one lot. But we retained a few pieces. A console, two side tables, a library writing desk from the original hotel 110 years ago. Also our famous clock. A clock doctor is making sure it’s healthy. Untouched will be repaired oak pillars that have stood in the lobby since 1902.”
About modern hotels’ huge-sized bathrooms: “Ours remain Algonquin-sized. Not small. Just less big. New shower heads with hand-held appliances delivering a nice rainfall. Enhanced glass-enclosed showers with frameless construction. No heated towel rack. Amenities like 1 1/2-ounce L’Occitaine soap. Not small but just less big than some. We’re 21st-century comfortable, not super high-tech.
“We’ll offer a nighttime square of bedside chocolate, state-of-the-art fitness gym for our 181 rooms, computer center with three PCs that can print your boarding pass, free WiFi and Internet service, enough outlets so no hunting for baseboard plugs, alarm clock to which your iPod connects, and no room coffee pots. The lobby serves breakfast coffee.
“Repurposing the second-floor function rooms, architects located space, raised for some reason on a 4-foot platform, so we created a bilevel suite named in honor of John Barrymore, Algonquin’s guest when he did ‘Hamlet’ on Broadway. It’s $2,000 a night.”
And Matilda the live-in cat?
“Sleeps wherever she wishes. Her litter’s in the coat room with her water, chair and food bowl. She’s partial to Fancy Feast, which has seafood. She walks by the door but never through it. Of course, it helps that two bellmen are there. Also, Matilda’s an indoor cat. She’s not exactly an escape artist.
SEE “Ghost the Musical” at the Lunt-Fontanne. Special effects and scenery are one-of-a-kind . . . Italian restaurants like E. 60th’s Canaletto say diners who avoid steak and don’t adore fish are going veal. It’s the new requested dish . . . You maybe read Babe Ruth’s 1920 jersey went for $4.4 mil? Now comes a Babe Ruth toy car licensed by Major League Baseball Properties, approved by his estate, marketed by something called the Bradford Exchange.
SOMEBODY’s doing OK through our recession. Cartier sold a $700,000 brooch . . . Ralph Rucci selling couture from a prominent socialite muse who collected his designs, never or barely wore them and passed away. It’s 45 pieces — $30,000 double-faced cashmere suits selling for $2,000, alligator, python, ostrich jackets pricing at $10,000. Click onto 1stdibs.com.
THIS gray-haired lady was given a stunning 22-kt. yellow gold bracelet. She had it rhodium-plated to look like silver and match her hair.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.