No longer ’tis the season to be jolly. Seems ’tis the season to be ghouly. Thanks to Hollyweird, we are now up to the eyeballs in vampires. Even Oscar nominee Willem Da foe‘s in some sci-fi pudding called “Daybreakers.”

“It’s about a near future world plague wherein every human is hunted and 90 percent of the population is vampires,” he explained. “I’m a human, and through special circumstances I’ve learned how we take care of vampires. Listen, it’s a full-on vampire movie. And the problem is they’re running out of blood. And we are desperate to find this blood.”

Right. Sounds like a musical.

“Understand, we don’t scrimp on bodily fluid. In terms of special effects, there’s a whole science in this movie-style blood. Sometimes it must be edible, sometimes it needs to spray, sometimes seep or spread. Different kinds for different scenes.

“I had to come to work before the sun came up because my character has burn makeup. Three hours of makeup daily and another two to take it off.”

Other interesting factlets being that this was filmed in Brisbane, Australia, and identical twins are the director(s). Chuckled Willem:

“Sometimes you didn’t know who you were talking to. They had slightly different personalities, so I’d use psychological shorthand and tell myself, ‘Aha, he’s the one with the shorter hair.’ It was very confusing.”

If you think that’s confusing, Willem’s next outing is “John Carter of Mars” a Disney animation job. From ghoulish vampires to cartoonish Martians.

Then: “But do think of this current movie as a musical. Think about how you can walk out singing songs about blood . . . drip . . .drip . . .drip . . . ”

NOW, about billboard poster boy Obama posing in his Weatherproof schmatta. Inadvertently punk’d? Un likely. Freddie Stollmack, Weatherproof president, is p.r.-savvy.

In my column on May 1, I reported garment company Weatherproof was climbing onto the Woody Allen/American Apparel lawsuit publicity. (Woody Allen sued American Apparel and settled for $5 million.) Same unauthorized use of his likeness on a billboard. At that time, Stollmack’s minions contacted me to say they had “opened communication with Mr. Allen’s agent in regard to securing him as a spokesperson” because their president has “always been a big Woody Allen fan.” Even said they’d gone to his agents to sign Woody for upcoming ads.

We never saw Woody in any coat ads.

The motive, both then and now, could be: Cop the publicity, feign innocence, then fork over a few bucks if need be. Still cheaper than buying advertising.

My friend Stuart Slotnick, who represented American Apparel in Woody’s case, told the White House he’d rep them if they liked. So far they haven’t liked.

‘DESPERATE Housewives” creator Marc Cherry wants an NYC apartment . . . Being simple, unas suming, modest and tops in humility, I hate to tell readers with short memories that last year I already reported NBC-TV will rearrange Operation Leno/Conan. I didn’t predict it. I announced it. So, despite it being deeply difficult for me to accept my rightful due even when it’s rightfully due, the truth is the truth . . . Supermarket king John Catsimatides‘ wife lost 20 pounds, thus a closetful of black-tie designer numbers that date back 10 years she can’t wear anymore. Now wearing old gowns, some of which cost thousands of dollars? Her teenage daughter . . . Bruce Littlefield, usher of the flusher, reports Mel Brooks‘ photo is on the men’s room door at Junior’s Restaurant; West 45th . . . Bebe Buell doing her new album “Sugar” Wednesday, Hiro Ballroom . . . Can’t someone do something about Cabinet misappointees like Homeland Insecurity secretary Napolitano and that treasury genius Geitner, who didn’t pay his own taxes?

COLD? It’s so frigid that a flasher was picked up by the police and charged with “Assault with a dead weapon.”

FROM reader Violet Manca, our new health-care bill medical dictionary:

* Barium — what you do when the patient dies.

* Urine — opposite of you’re out.

* Cauterize — made eye contact with her.

* Ova — finished, done with.

* Dilate — to live a long time.

* Enema — not a friend.

* Node — was aware of.

* White count — the number of Caucasians.

* Hernia — pertaining to a female’s knee.

* Fibrillate — tell a small lie. D&C — where Washington is.

* Bunion — Paul’s surname.

* Rectum — dang near killed him.

* Paradox — two doctors.

* Coronary — domesticated yellow bird.

* Intestine — currently taking an exam.

* Outpatient — one who has fainted.

* Genital — non-Jew.

* Sacrum — Holy.

* Pap Smear — to slander your father.

* Pelvis — Elvis’ twin.

* Seizure — Roman Emperor.

* Humerus — tell us what we want to hear.

* Penis — piano player.

* Constipation — endangered feces.

RESTAURANT Shun Lee’s table cards advertise their new cook book “to send you on the way to enjoying our foods” and then “thank you to all our dear patron.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.