Rush Limbaugh, dissing Tampa’s convention: “Please. Last one I attended was 1992. Houston.” Rudy Giuliani decided to show late today.
Big-time celebs there include Tampa’s former Mayor Pam Iorio. And with Isaac drowning my arrival yesterday, I missed the American Conservative Union’s Cuban-themed “Nuestra Noche: Midnight in Ybor.” Qué pasa — no idea, but 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. it was to feature such sexy numbers as Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush. So — by cracky! — wasn’t that to be a gym-dandy knee-slapper!
Hurricanes don’t determine who’s right — only who is left. As underwater GOPniks went glub-glub in Tampa, another variety was jamming East Hampton’s backyard belonging to lobbyist Liz Robbins and former newscaster Doug Edwards.
Over fried chicken, pasta and salad huddled government types. The Clintons with Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner, New Jersey Sen. Frank Lautenberg, former Gov. Jon Corzine, former Lt. Gov. Richard Ravitch. Hill and Bill said how happy they are in their rented Hampton house and they’re really loving it. Corzine said he’s there not because he has a Hamptons house, but his wife does. Lautenberg said he’s been a Democrat since kindergarten. Somebody said that in the Dem convention, Speaker Sheldon Silver’s being honored as the one to announce next Wednesday’s roll call.
I also remember that, amid 100 bodies running around — including a small dog — calm hostess Liz, on her cell, said. “My lights aren’t working. I’m calling electricians.”
Back to Tampa. Besides swampland, shellfish, cigars, phosphate, Home Shopping Network and 9-foot alligators, attractions in the town include its residents — Hulk Hogan, Derek Jeter, Monica Seles, Martina Navratilova, Ivan Lendl, John Travolta, Jennifer Capriati, Stephen King.
Plus the city’s famous signature food — the Tampa Cuban sandwich. A-1 ingredient — Genoa salami and three dill pickles. Eat it late at night, and you don’t quite go to sleep. You just lay there dead.
Inhabited by the indigenous Tocobaga and Pohoy, acquired from Spain in 1819, Tampa, a bumpy wagon road fishing village, means “sticks of fire” in the Native American lingo Calusa. Back then pioneers were settling near the fort for protection from the Seminoles. Right now Republicans are settling near the arena for protection from the Democrats.
Today this “cigar capital of the world” is considered a “top city for 20-somethings.” How that mixes with the 60-something Republicans is something else. It also holds an annual Gasparilla Pirate Festival. It’s also where Teddy Roosevelt and his Rough Riders waited to ship out to Cuba in 1898.
Tonight’s events include Homocon 2012, 10:30 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. at the charmingly named Honey Pot. Its invite says “clothing not optional.” Invitees must “determine what they’re wearing. We don’t care what, but you have to wear clothes. Gays will let you know if you look ridiculous . . . but please remove your neckties! This is not one of those boring GOP cocktail receptions. It’s a party!”
The Creative Coalition sponsors tomorrow’s VIP dinner co-hosted by Speaker John Boehner. Short meal. Vittles and speeches — two hours. Tom Brokaw moderates Arianna Huffington’s lunchtime Expo Wednesday. As these bodies race around, leave us remember the immortal words of Seymour Nostradamus, who said: “The meek shall inherit the Earth — but not the rights to the Oval Office.”
And following both conventions publishers are putting out: “Interventions,” a memoir of the UN’s seventh Sec’y-General Kofi Annan . . . Penguin Press’ history of government titled “Governing the World” . . . Because we urgently need yet another look at the Kennedys, historian David Nasaw’s 832-page “The Patriarch: The Remarkable Life and Turbulent Times of Joseph P. Kennedy”. . . Berkley’s December paperback “Trust Me, I Know What I’m Doing” tells how 1929’s Herbert Hoover pooped on the economy and came the Great Depression, and how Richard Nixon taped everything in the Oval Office and came his exit from the presidency.
My Tampa flight was on John Catsimatidis’ plane. He owns Gristedes plus little toys like oil fields. Also his daughter is married to NY Republican Party chief Ed Kox’s son Chris. Waiting yesterday to see if we’re taking off, I opened my mail. And . . .
Addressed to me was a six-page printout of Chase Bank’s Premier Platinum Checking Account. It includes account numbers, beginning balance, deposits, additions, percentage earned, interest earned, interest paid year-to-date and transaction details.
It includes first and last name imprinted in more than one place. The only problem? Not my name. Another person’s name. Complete with a middle initial.
Should Chase people wish to view this, I have it under lock and key.
Jamie Dimon, JP Morgan Chase CEO, has been grilled for his institution’s financial deals. Pal, trust me, they’re even lousier than bad-bad-Leroy Brown’s.
JAMES Nederlander’s theatrical family includes younger brother Robert Nederlander. Robert’s longtime socialite lady is a beautiful blonde named Pat Cook, who was telling about her stone mansion, circa 1600, on her 3,000 acres in England’s Cotswolds. I then borrowed her compact. It was broken.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.