In her shockingly honest autobiography “Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir”, the singer recounts her harrowing past, from the sexual trauma of her youth to the deep depression that took her to the brink of suicide.
The eighties pop icon opens up about the long lull in her career that caused a spiral of depression.
“I had come so far but felt like I had failed. I disappointed the record company because I didn’t come home with an armful of awards like they expected,” RadarOnline reported.
She continues: “It was always like that; it was never enough. It was such a dark time for me. When I was living in that hotel I was two steps off of that balcony. I would go to the studio and then sit in my dark room and drink vodka. I had to spend most of my time alone. I was grieving. I thought the sadness would never go away. The only thing that always prevented me from suicide is that I never wanted a headline to read, ‘Girl who wanted to have fun just didn’t.’”
The “Time After Time” singer writes how she found the will to live after entering therapy, where she came to terms with her rough youth. She reveals that her stepfather threatened to rape both Cyndi and her sister. After she caught him spying on her while she was in the bath, she left home and headed to New York at the age of 17.
Lauper says she was forced to sing in the streets in order to earn money and often had to beg for food.
“I had no television, no stereo, nothing. I was still a kid and I was alone,” she writes. “A lot of times I couldn’t take it anymore, so I just lay in bed all the time. When I really couldn’t deal with anything, I used to get the shakes, just complete anxiety attacks. I’d empty out the cupboard under the sink and crawl under there. I’d stay in there because it was enclosed, and slowly I would begin to feel better.”
Lauper’s memoir will be released Sept. 18.