B’way’s kicking heels over the music of “Kinky Boots” — even though Cyndi Lauper’s first name’s misspelled.
“I’d thought of doing a one-woman show,” she told me. “And, go believe it, I’m home washing dishes when suddenly Harvey Fierstein calls me to do this musical. Most writers have the humor of a f – – king drainpipe, but he’s really funny. I said, ‘Hell, yes!’
“I asked, ‘What are the rules?’ He said, ‘No rules. Just write. About shoes. Not only how a character feels, but it has to move the character forward.’ I had a f – – king field day.
“They walked me through it. Who knew about writing a Broadway musical’s songs? Record companies always ask, ‘What’s the hook?’ That old way didn’t work anymore. I learned to think out of the box. I’m so lucky to have done this.
“Like my ‘Sex Is in the Heel’ lyrics. A heel’s like a car. A heel’s mobile. Jack it up six inches higher. Stuff like P-p-p-Prada . . . Jimmy Ch-ch-ch-Choo . . . I won’t go anywhere without my Manolos.
“If they didn’t like something, I’d rewrite it. Sitting in the audience, I’d listen. People have different speech patterns. Also they sing differently. Does it need more guitars? Maybe rework that sound? Where’s the sonic equation? Does the bass work?
“I studied music CDs that drag queens listen to. And to old British music of that period. Each character had to sound different. ‘South Pacific’s’ “There is nothing like a dame” is great baritone. For a church scene, I listened to the East Harlem choir. Everything’s rhythm. What makes the music move? What instruments drive the song? I put everything I personally myself liked into those songs.
“I did my homework. Was it worth spending 4 1/2 years on? Oh, yeah! It’s just that after this opens next month, I won’t be seeing all those guys anymore. That’s the one thing I feel bad about.”
THE Mamets are everywhere. Daughter Zosia in off-B’way’s “Really Really” and daddy David in to see her . . . Edward James Olmos, who ’84 to ’89 played Lieutenant Martin Castillo on “Miami Vice,” nagging Universal to do it as a feature film. “The constant reruns are very successful,” he says . . . Signed Ben Affleck scripts have been available on the Internet for $19.95.
KNOW what TV types watch? Greg Gumbel does “Seinfeld,” “Everybody Loves Raymond,” “The Big Bang Theory” sitcoms . . . Where you get it, how you eat it, not sure — but, should you need your triglycerides reduced, health pros swear grape seeds do it . . . Jets owner Woody Johnson getting honored Thursday. Mandarin Oriental. The Game Changer Awards Gala.
THOSE freebies loaned to stars at awards events? At the Golden Globes, Van Cleef clasped a watch onto Jeremy Renner. Unless his tux was sleeveless, anyone study his wrist enough to rush in and pay a few pfenning under 20 grand for a thing nobody noticed in the first place? And all civilization remained focussed on whether it’s 18-karat or plate? And, like, who cared?
WHATSISFACE’s sequestration shutdown? He succeeded in shutting — not his mouth — just White House tours and necessaries for our troops. He’s not shutting down the country. Mr. Juliano’s Italian restaurant Primola on Second Avenue in the ’60s was mobbed Saturday. No empty table. Upper East Siders waiting triple-deep to get in.
JESSE Tyler Ferguson. On “Modern Family.” Celebrated engagement to Justin Mikita, and the two founded gay-marriage coalition Tie the Knot.
After saying he’s “named after my grandmother,” he told me about Obama. “I introduced him at LA’s House of Blues the first time. I thanked him for his stand on gay marriage. We did not talk politics. He talked to me about Michelle and the girls. I was so nervous I was sweating. Like an out-of-body experience.
“Again we met in the Oval Office and at the inauguration. The third time I wasn’t nervous. I could breathe. I started calling him Barack.”
Will playing gay roles now color Jesse’s future acting jobs?
“I’ve played gays and straights before, even a romantic interest . . . so . . . we’ll see . . . I run the risk of being pigeonholed, but I hope people can forget.
“Meantime, in July we’re marrying in New York City, where it’s my home and it’s legal.”
EMMY Rossum sending friends a CD. Her just-out album “features new renditions of classic songs.” Emmy singing “I’ll Be With You in Apple Blossom Time,” “These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You),” “Sentimental Journey,” “I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover.” It’s good. She’s good. Available at emmyrossum.com.
PULMONARY physician’s office. Elderly longtime married bald man and middle-aged British wife arrive. Fight breaks out. He’s screaming. She’s yelling. Why? Out of an X-ray room comes the guy’s current and very young and very expensive and very active mistress. Everybody’s calling everybody loud names that are not usually found in a medical handbook.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.