Yesterday 9 a.m., after three years and change in jail, Bernie Kerik, NYC’s former police commish, USA’s former Homeland Security Chief nominee, Cumberland, Md.’s now ex-inmate No. 84888-054, was driven home-sweet-home. 9:15 he phoned me from his friend’s car. He’d eaten nothing. “Not even stopping for coffee,” he told me. “I’m not wasting one minute. I can’t wait to get back and hold my kids.
“I wanted to come out quietly, no fuss, no nothing. It’s why I’m in a car, not on a plane. I already phoned my wife, and Hala said my release is on the news. She said, ‘Forget it. you’re all over TV.’ All I want is to get home.”
His celebratory takeout mozzarella/beefsteak/scampi lunch was to be outdoors by the pool — weather behaving — with his two daughters home from school and the pals who stuck with him and attended his farewell dinner.
Not remanded to a halfway house, he’ll wear an ankle bracelet until his official October release time. Social occasions like dinner in Manhattan — no. Kerik is confined locally to family duties. Fetch his kids at school, attend church, work-related activities. He’ll check in steadily with a New Jersey penal authority who must be told what, where, when and who.
There’s precious little fret about his running way since where’s he going to run? He’s been counting the minutes until he’s home.
Slimmed down measurements required new clothes sent for his release. Size 33 jeans, undershirt, T-shirt, pullover sweater, socks, belt, shoes.
As he told me: “I’m already planning my next book and have been writing, longhand, daily. Some inner thoughts were occasionally sent home and retyped on the outside . . . years when I missed my daughters birthdays and our November wedding anniversary killed me. Being away from the family was like ripping my heart out of my chest.
“It’s strange. I’ve been in gun battles, war, threatened by Cali cartel, lived through 9/11 devastation, but nothing as emotionally upsetting as living separated from them.
“In prison, I’ve taught a class on life’s lessons — self-esteem, raising kids, skills, bullies, peer pressure, rejection, dealing with adversities. If it just helps one of these men not return to prison, I’ll be happy.”
Odds & ends
June 3. Capitale. A 1950’s Decades Ball. Tom Hanks, Tony Kushner, Jesse Tyler Ferguson will do readings. Morley Safer’s the chair. Committee’s Oliver Stone and Woody Allen. . . Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence: “This naked statue means contemporaries voted for me. The feeling’s indescribable.”. . . At Babette’s, East Hampton, Alec Baldwin and the wife he was not seen hollering at . . . Sequel to Michael Gross’ “740 Park” job — due next March, Atria Books — is “House of Outrageous Fortune: Fifteen Central Park West, the World’s Most Powerful Address.” Scoop and poop on such in and out inmates of 740 Park as David Koch, Lloyd Blankfein, Stephen Schwarzman . . . Nathan Lane on the Drama League Awards lunch: “A celebrity petting zoo.”
Mayors, hopefuls & a Weiner
Le Cirque. Judith and Rudith Giuliani’s 10th anniversary party. Hopeful mayor Joe Lhota, temporary mayor Mike Bloomberg, former mayor Rudy Giuliani dissected non-mayor Anthony Weiner.
Bloomy: “There’s a chance he could win redemption. Little chance he could win the election — but what a surprise if he did.” Rudy: “I wasn’t stunned when he got in trouble. I know him for years and always knew something was wrong with him.” Lhota: “I only know my 14-year-old black Lab needs to run on Gracie Mansion’s lawn.” Rudy’s one-time deputy mayor Randy Mastro: “It’s an exciting time — and we know what happens to Weiner when he gets excited.”
Comments were about Weiner’s wife. Heretofore shunning spotlight, always in the background, Huma Abedin’s new forefront in his attempted comeback is getting comments like she must be more ambitious than anyone knew.
An old Flatbush note from reader John O’Brien: “Like a toothpaste tube, the nearer you get to the end of life, the tougher it gets to squeeze anything out of it.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.