So listen, my children, and you shall hear the idiocy of this reporter here: Movie premiere of “Captain Phillips.” Amidst crowds outside Alice Tully Hall, I am single-handedly (or single-behindedly) in a lone chair commandeered by the organizers who either consider me seriously special or terminally fragile.
Suddenly, a tall body hovers over me. I am paying no attention. Deep in my totebag, scratching around for who remembers what, I am lost, unaware. The tall body says: “Hello, darling . . .” then . . . “Don’t get up, I’ll bend down to you.”
Tom Hanks.
Jumping in shock, upturning all in my wide- open bag, my response? “Oh, s - - t.”
Once I got myself set, he said: “This movie’s a thriller based on a true 2009 story when Somali pirates hijacked a cargo ship. I play the captain. I actually remember reading the story back then. And we filmed it all over — Norfolk, London, Malta.
“One thing great was, while shooting, I spoke to the president of the United States. I called him. Having done something together, I had to say thanks. He asked what I’m doing. I told him then said, ‘Well, boss, I’m playing that guy who you rescued.’ And he said, ‘Yeah, I recall that story. My first year in office, and with all the other problems I had to deal with, pirates!’ ”
Hanks just dialed the prez and got Obama on a cell while he’s noshing a White House bagel?
“No. Aides connected him for me.”
The Tom Hanks facing me had silver hair.
“Listen, in this movie the captain’s gray. What am I going to tell you, face it. This is what I look like these days.”
Gossip says this could nail an Oscar for Hanks, to which the silver-haired pirate captain replied:
“Listen, once you do the Toronto Film Festival, that’s the standard line.”
Few Words
Another NY Film Festival biggie is “All Is Lost.” In it, Robert Redford says 20 words. That’s it throughout the whole movie. Just 20 words.
Starts with him sailing. In real life Redford’s a sailor. In this reel life his boat hits a barge and he’s sinking. Rest of the film?
He’s totally silent.
A few things you can bet on
To bet or not to bet. Forget the political question. Done deal. Waiting are $1 billion casinos. People say “Never happen.” Please. It brings money. Casinos could underwrite 60 percent of a state’s budget. It was no to gaming in a horse track? Well, now we got that. They said it won’t work. Now they’re saying it’ll work.
Seven licenses will be granted in 2014. Already set is the Concord, Grossinger’s, nearby Poconos. Our West Side will have it. Central Park no, but down the line — who knows? — maybe the Boathouse. Big if is who nails Times Square.
The argument is, good for the city. Good for foot traffic. The math is huge. Pros throw around numbers like $2 bil. One gaming group settled a US government criminal case for — ready? — $720 million. Gaming’s lousy. Corrupts the world. But even bigger, a giant play, is poker. The numbers are big. Nationwide OKs for poker are passing quicker than civic bills. Do not say I don’t know what I’m talking about. I know what I’m talking about.
Just watch.
Odds & Ends
“Porno princess Seka put on weight. But this porno fatso’s very eager. Dying for p.r.” . . . Thanks to the Observer’s Kara Bloomgarden-Smoke for the mention. Appreciated it . . .
Craig Ferguson comic Reese Waters, due on Jamie deRoy’s Metropolitan Room gig, got stuck on a plane.
Last-minute, Jamie grabbed Jim Mendrinos of “SNL” and the Gotham Comedy Club to sit in, stand in or joke in.
Only in New York kids. Only in New York.