“All eyes were on him. He got a warm welcome from the crowd. He was very low-key. He reminded me of a dog, when it gets home from being neutered” — Jimmy Kimmel on Tiger Woods‘ first day at the Masters . . .

PHOTOS: TIGER’S FIRST ROUND AT THE MASTERS

“Canada, if you cancel the seal hunt, I will dress up like Justin Bieber and sing one of his songs on YouTube” — Kelly Osbourne.