This Oscar season’s different. In a first since Groucho Marx’s bar mitzvah, most nominees are recognizable.
Also nervous. Anne Hathaway, shriveled to pre-natal weight for “Les Miz,” ate everything at one pre-Oscar event — then whoopsed in the powder room.
And the red carpet scoop? A hug from Robin Roberts, followed by her whisper: “I didn’t even know until this very morning if I could really make it.”
Quvenzhané Wallis, Best Actress nom, age 9, hit the Independent Spirit Awards gift lounge right in front of Kyle Maclachlan. She glommed onto freebees like Perfect Pearl’s base, powder, shampoo, body lotion and hair straightener. Also Mattel’s “Pass the Popcorn” game. This kid will go far. If not as Meryl Streep, then think Paris Hilton.
The hills are alive with the sound of parties. Friends gave Robert De Niro a gold foil-wrapped chocolate statuette. So how often has he seen his nominated movie? “Please, why’d I see anything that has a f – – k- ing actor like me in it?” Then, staring at me, he accidentally dropped his chocolate Oscar.
Harvey Weinstein, who probably hustled one-reelers in pre-K: “I found ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ five years ago. It had several incarnations. We tried five major actresses, and Jennifer Lawrence was the one we thought could get there.”
And how’d she get there? Auditioned. On Skype. From her Kentucky house. Family-conscious, she just treated them all to vacation, then all to the Awards. Which may be why “Argo’s” Clea Duvall (she played a hostage) couldn’t get a ticket.
Says Jen: “Nomination is the best. Exhaustion is the worst.”
Best shmatta shlepping onto the red carpet? Bai Ling in a drop-dead gorgeous plum satin from Marchesa’s fall collection. Second best, Amy Adams’ mint green beruffled Oscar de la Renta.
The poop on the pips: Bruce Willis bemused . . . Jack Black’s beard longer than those cough-drop Smith Brothers . . . Matthew McConaughey skinnier than Hathaway . . . Laura Dern ID’d as “Laura Linney” . . . Julia Stiles introduced herself.
Russell Simmons in a NY Yankees cap . . . Hamptons Synagogue’s Rabbi Marc Schneier — jacketless, tieless, open-collar checked shirt hanging out of his pants. An outfit never mentioned in the Torah . . . I hardly saw Danny-boy Radcliffe whisk past. He didn’t reach the navel of the surrounding “Django Unchained” dudes.
Sir Howard Stringer, chairman of Sony which bankrolled “Zero Dark Thirty”: “I never thought we’d win. Too many people are on the truth brigade fighting us.” . . . Sunnyside, Queens’ Benh Zeitlin, director of “Beasts of the Southern Wild”: “Why no place on the red carpet for a Bengal tiger?”
Marcia Gay Harden was in adorable white shorts . . . John Waters in not so adorable red suit, red shirt, red shoes, red socks, red tie. Why? “Because it’s what I wear. And if you question it, happens I don’t like what you’re wearing either.”
Contenders: Joaquin Phoenix: “I don’t force anyone to pronounce my first name. I tell ladies I like the nickname ‘Kitten.’ ” . . . Sally Field, who previously publicized bone density and osteoporosis: “I only have this one body.” Not to worry. With all that Boniva, if she fell down the sidewalk would crack.
Helen Hunt, Best Actress for 1997’s “As Good As It Gets”: “My statuette’s on a shelf above my desk. So heavy. In an earthquake, it would kill somebody.”
Victor Garber, who played the Canadian ambassador in Ben Affleck’s “Argo”: “Oh, you think anyone even remembers that I, too, was in it?”
Hugh Jackman: “I don’t worry about safety. Living in a gated compound behind a wall of people isn’t for me.” . . . Bradley Cooper: “Ohhhh, please, I don’t think of myself as that good-looking. I just look good — like tonight.”
Denzel Washington, up for “Flight”: “I did the physics. Car accidents, one in 15. A 50-ton piece of metal seven miles above Earth, one in 250,000. About ferries, I don’t know.”
Nominee Steven Spielberg on Best Actor winner Daniel Day-Lewis: “When I wanted him for the role, he said, ‘No, I don’t know how to play the guy.’ ”
Nominee Jessica Chastain on Jessica Chastain: “Who knows why everything happened suddenly. I’m insecure. I only work. No private life. I haven’t yet figured out how to date.”
The red carpet’s new Joan Rivers is Piers Morgan, who claimed: “I don’t ask, ‘Who made your amazing dress?’ I ask, ‘What will you do if you lose?’ ”
Affleck, of whom you may have heard: “I studied the Middle East in school. It’s my interest. I’ve never been there, but with what’s happening in Syria, I’d love to do a movie about that.”
Alan Arkin: “If it wasn’t show business, I didn’t care about it. As a kid all I wanted was to hitchhike to Hollywood.” . . . Tommy Lee Jones, about as chatty as Tutankhamun: “I always wanted to be an actor. With acting, I found that reason for me to get up each day.”
Best Supporting winner Christoph Waltz: “Acknowledgement of your peers blows your mind. At the urinal with George Clooney, he invited me to join his work in Haiti.”
NYU grad and Best Director Ang Lee: “This picture [‘Life of Pi’]was special to me.”
And about the security, tighter than around Mrs. Obama’s wardrobe. They summoned a guard to escort me to the ladies room. I told him thanks, but I didn’t need help. I really know how to pee all by myself.