Our Creator, which art in heaven being infinite, the handiwork of His creativity can not be finite.
This country’s differing nationalities, opposing beliefs, alien backgrounds, diverse families, foreign neighborhoods make plain we can never agree. With Creation’s infinite varieties, Earth’s far corners can not produce oneness.
Forget politics. Just take hair. Beards and baldies, toupes and wigs.
Clipped moustaches and handlebars. We got clean-shaven, we got goatees, we got Van Dykes, we got full-on Santa Claus jobs. There are Afros, Mohawks, crew cuts, buzz cuts, spiky dos, ringlets, poufs, chignons, ponytails, updos, long hair, short hair, braids, curls, flips, pigtails, French twists, Chinese queues, buns, center part, side part, blonde, brunette, redhead, salt and pepper, blue-hair, white-hair, curly hair, straight hair, sideburns longer than Shaquille O’Neal.
And let’s don’t forget multicolored, frosted or highlighted. Plus body waxes, laser, electrolysis, eyebrow plucking, fake lashes. And that’s just in one Midtown Madison Avenue hairdresser.
Listen, Sam likes cricket? Sally likes croquet. You play golf? I’ll play horseshoes. Jack does marbles. Jill does jacks. She’s into tennis, he’s into soccer. How’s billiards, Badminton, pingpong, polo, football, stickball, handball, baseball, basketball, beach ball, volleyball. Hockey maybe.
We should concur on same-sex marriage? Coalesce on gaming/not gaming? Commune on fricking or fracking? Collude on BVDs versus boxers? Coincide on modern automobiles versus third world bicycles? Let’s not even get into pedicabs and illegal taxis.
Single-mindedness on how to fix Albany? Please. Nobody can even decide what shirt to buy. There are white shirts, blue shirts, striped shirts, no shirts, sport shirts, undershirts, polo shirts, dirty shirts, T-shirts. Try long-sleeve shirts, short-sleeve shirts, ³/-sleeve shirts, no-sleeve shirts, long shirts, cutoff shirts, monogrammed shirts, starched shirts, dress shirts, cuff-link shirts, button cuff shirts, butcher boy shirts, tucked-in shirts, open collar shirts, high-collar shirts, no-iron shirts, custom shirts, wool shirts, cotton shirts, crappy Orlon shirts.
Take food. Vietnamese, Chinese, Mediterranean, Korean, Turkish, Swedish, Italian, Indonesian, American, Brazilian, Trinidadian, Argentinian. Street food. Takeout food. Coney Island hot dogs. Magazine recipes mixing prosciutto, anchovies and peanut brittle. Restaurants with C- rating signs that say: “Eat this in the lobby of Mount Sinai so it saves you a trip.” We got diets, vegans munching alfalfa, red-meat eaters, stuff with no wheat/no whey/no gluten/no calories/no salt/no sauce/no spices/no gravy/no taste. Chefs like Batali, Daniel Boulud and Paula pardon-the-verbiage Deen.
Hey, short people’s green eyes, brown eyes, blue eyes, violet eyes glare at tall people. Mountain types look down on valley types. Desert people resent river people. Suburbans and ex-urbans razzberry urbans. It’s North against pardon-the-expression South. Those who love Paris, those who love Rome. Partisans who point to West Coast versus East Coast with fake nails, bitten nails, no nails or today’s nails painted in green, blue, black and yellow.
Besides lawyers and dentists who love anybody regardless of cockney accents, Southern drawls, Western hard R’s or Washington-speak . . . and putting aside opera fans, rock ’n’ roll fans, blues fans, R&B fans . . . and those who hike and those who walk, those who love the ocean and those who want a pool, it’s anarchists, Adventists, atheists, communists, Buddhists, fascists, socialists, spiritualists, Scientologists, leftists, rightists, centrists.
Our female population? Married, divorced, separated, living together, dating, romancing, arguing, breaking up, getting back together, spinsters, women who guys have left, women who guys won’t leave, women who want a third husband, women who want women.
And we’re all supposed to unite on health care, Social Security, economy, Hillary, global warming, Michelle Obama’s bangs, street closings, school lunches, environment, taxation, education, immigration, inflation, sequestration, segregation, Barack bumbling, Alex Rodriguez fumbling, Brian Cashman grumbling and Biden stumbling.
Also sex in the military, dependence on oil, aging population, national debt, Guantanamo, how to stifle Jimmy Carter, contamination of our seas, right to privacy and what to do with Amanda Bynes.
Failing that we have nothing to do — except pick one of our Rockettes running for office of mayor.