Attention must be paid: Miss Kelly Osbourne is now off the market. Taken. Officially Doing It. Getting wed, that is. She has become, as old-fashioned antique types who still believe in marriage would put it, engaged.
Born ’84, in the spotlight since 2001 with Sharon, Ozzy and assorted Osbournelets on their reality thing, she’s waltzed on Dancing With the Whomevers, gossiped on the E! channel, and newly become affiancéd. So far, for some reason, it’s being kept quiet — which is not what her family’s known for.
Anyway, her guy sprung for a ring. Not gigantic. The future Miss Kim Kardashian might consider it a chip, but it’s a nice diamond. And everybody’s happy for her.
Odds & ends
Billy Hayes (remember “Midnight Express”) told his lawyer Michael J. Griffith he’s readying a one-man show. In August. Edinburgh Fringe Festival . . . New mama Kristen Bell, back skinny on the “Veronica Mars” set, wearing a tight Mavi Gold Samantha Light Gold Pop Jacket — whateverthehell that is . . . And Heidi Klum designed a Truly Scrumptious Babies “R” Us custom nursery — whateverthehell that is . . . And catalog queen Lillian Vernon — we all know who that is — may be ailing.
Funny furniture
When Robin Williams sold his CPW apartment to banker Paul J. Taubman, furnishings went to Kingston’s Zaborski Emporium. However, information went to “Garage Sale America” author Bruce Littlefield. A $200,000, 14-foot-wide solid cherry and flame birch wall unit is now grabbable for $50,000 — give or take a few bucks.
Zombie love
Max Brooks. Creator of “World War Z,” the new undead zombie movie starring Brad Pitt of whom you may have heard. This son of comedy writer Mel Brooks is also a writer. But not comedy. His genre is horror. But his comments were one-liners. As if they should’ve gone: “A funny thing happened to me on the way to blowing up bodies . . .”
Like: Is your father proud of you? Answer: “He’s just glad I have a job.”
Like: You thrilled at the reception it’s getting? Answer: “I never even thought it would get filmed.”
Like: Why a film about civilization’s last day on Earth? Answer: “Because I like zombies.”
In between the Mel/Max- isms: “We used real doctors and soldiers in the film. This took years and years to research. I started with the book written about a Last Day, plus there’s government information. Then not everyone knows a lot about zombies, so I had to investigate that sort of stuff.”
Son Max lives in Venice, Calif. Dad Mel lives in Santa Monica, Calif. Max’s office is Mel’s attic.
Hey, gossip is what I do
Gandolfini did good things. Like a hot day filming in 2006 for HBO’s downtown Brooklyn church ceremony in the final season of “The Sopranos.” Nobody knew, he took no credit but he commandeered an ice-cream truck to cool off the crowd of extras.
However, he disliked me following my Monday, March 18, 2002, frontpage exclusive. He’d just served first wife, Marcy, with divorce papers, and she sobbed to me:
“I love Jim very much. I don’t want my marriage over. I don’t want our son to be an only child. Even though his father admitted, ‘Jim’s a handful,’ I love him. I was in my marriage forever.
“Jim’s a man with problems. He’s wandered away and come back. Like a love-hate relationship — a hot day he loves me, a cold day he doesn’t.”
This cold day I printed who was warming him. A former nude dancer, introduced to him by Michael Imperioli. Gandolfini never spoke to me again.
Dodgeball
Old-time baseball fans think it’s great that the once-upon-a-time Brooklyn Dodgers are now in LA. This way they can lose their games three hours earlier.
Heels over head
Lady buying glittery spike heel Stuart Weitzman evening shoes: “I shouldn’t spend this much on footwear. I know I shouldn’t buy so many in silver and satin and rhinestone. They’re almost identical, and it’s silly because with my outfits I could supplant one with the other.” So then why three new pairs of shoes?
“Because no matter how fat I get, how much weight I gain, what I’m forced to give away, these shoes still fit.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.