Bette Midler’s one-woman B’way talkathon about a Hollywood agent mentions how Ali MacGraw’s career got ruined. In the audience sat Ali, the one-time star of movies like “Goodbye, Columbus” and everyone’s all-time ’70s favorite “Love Story.” So how’s she feel about the mention?

Small smile then: “I’ve been leading a really quiet life in New Mexico. It’s time I got out. I never made a comeback. I’d like to do something. I just don’t know where.”

FORMERLY happily married Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger returned as a part-time journalist this week on the “Today” show. Nice. But somebody tell Maria Shriver her old-style Clara Bow makeup is out. Waaayy overdone hair and thickthick eye makeup that’s blacker than a raccoon. Down, girl. Easy.

All political families get raided. Jenna Bush Hager’s trotted out on NBC, where they also tried to slide in Chelsea Clinton. Japan soon gets Caroline Kennedy. Next, Sasha and Malia will report on Syria. Even though they had no previous experience, it’s perfect. Just like Daddy.

NATURAL History Museum. Suzanne Nossel, executive director of PEN, delivered a starry literary evening to honor Philip Roth, who said: “Literature takes a habit of mind that has disappeared. It requires silence, some form of isolation, and sustained concentration in the presence of an enigmatic thing.”

Black-tie types from Jay McInerney to Barbara Goldsmith jammed the Blue Whale Room raising nearly $2 million. With everyone talking and gawking, emcee Willie Geist finally shouted over his microphone: “This is the most inattentive audience in captivity.”

The museum’s next official attraction? Poison. Says director Ellen Futter: “There’s good poison and bad poison. Good poison is what’s in medecine.”

THIS I don’t know personally. This from someone in fashion. “In a dressing room, I saw Gwyneth Paltrow and Molly Ringwald. Gwyneth’s upper thighs have cellulite. Molly’s don’t.”. . . Prince Harry’s to be at Greenwich, Conn.’s Royal Salute polo match May 15. He’ll play against the world’s best, Nacho Figueras . . . Brits harrumphing that with Prince William’s fatherhood, Harry’s thrilled he needn’t worry anymore about being king. They also speculate Charles may give up all thought of ever nailing Mommy’s job.

B’WAY’S “Vanya” play at the Golden is wall-to-wall boola boola. Costume designer William Ivey Long is a Yalie. David Hyde Pierce went to Yale. Producer Joey Parnes — Yale. Playwright Christopher Durang — Yale. Sigourney Weaver, star of the play and also Christopher’s college classmate? Yale. They’re all into old-style, old-school parties at William Ivey Long’s Lower East Side bar. Where his waiters went to school, no idea.

JULIE Taymor, whose “Lion King” is all over the world: “I just returned from Brazil. It’s there in Portuguese. It’s been in Madrid five years. It’s in seven languages. We all had doubts and stage fright before this opened 15 years ago. I’m a sculptor. I made those masks. I designed them. I pondered how to make animals human — like a humanimal. But who knew this would work? Staying with it is, I guess, is how you push the envelope.

“I don’t see it a lot in New York unless the show’s getting tired or it’s new people or they need me. Now I’m onto two movies. Next winter ‘The Transposed Heads,’ based on an Indian legend, will shoot in India and New York.”

Ask about “Spider-Man,” and she runs a finger across tightly clamped lips.

BROADWAY’s reliving the great days. Upcoming is Irv Welzer’s production on “Yankee Doodle Dandy” James Cagney, who was also a rootin’, tootin’, shootin’ gangster in early years movies . . . Hollywood’s Brett Ratner producing a musical on a book about the Continental Baths, the gay world’s Ansonia Hotel playpen where Bette Midler and Barry Manilow began in the ’70s.

OVERHEARD: It was a mixed marriage. He’s a born again, and she’s dead already.

CAMBODIA. It had genocide. It had tyrant Pol Pot. It had the Khmer Rouge period. It had the killing fields. It once had King Norodom Sihanouk and his bride Neak Moneang Phat Kanthol. Their majesties’ remnant, a half sibling to its current monarch Norodom Sihamoni, is their eldest daughter, Her Royal Highness Princess Norodom Buppha Devi. Lady Gaga could change that name.

So this highness tour j’etés into New York because her country’s ballet does its thing this week at BAM. Thus begins some Marx Brothers rope-a-dope rigamarole.

This highness’ minions instigate a 4 p.m. interview. My home. It’s then rejiggered to 4:15. Phone calls and e-mails later, that changes because the highness has some 11:30 thing. Subsequent “we’ll sees” and “we’re not sures” follow. As she’s expected and tea’s already made, the appointment’s canceled. Her retinue rebooks for 10 a.m. Coffee and muffins, etc., are prepared. 9:35 they cancel.

This princess’ name translates in English to “goddess.” Yeah, hon? Lotsa luck.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.