Even newborns in Siberia know it’s The dawning of The Year of the Walters. Today ticks off Barbaratime.
Yesterday she announced next summer she’ll quit TV. This weekend I picked the Tribeca Grill for our dinner. Understand, Barbara’s been to China, Israel, Cuba, Egypt, South Africa — never the Tribeca Grill. To her, downtown is 50th Street.
We were both kids when her father, Lou Walters, owned the Latin Quarter nightclub and my date, comedian Joey Adams, was starring at the Latin Quarter. Lou’s gone. Joey’s gone. The club’s gone. We’re still friends.
Dinner was just the two of us. Nobody eavesdropping except maybe the waiter who brought her a Campari. We remembered those who’d known high places. Back in the Stone Age when Joan Rivers was to inherit Johnny Carson’s show — but didn’t — Joan said: “I don’t need five lines anymore. Nobody’s calling.” An ex-publisher’s 100 daily e-mails shrivelled to a dozen. After running Paramount, smart Sherry Lansing immediately dove into philanthropy.
Over a pork chop, Barbara said: “When we discussed our years doing what we do, Oprah became teary. She said, ‘I’m so busy doing it that I’ve never had time to enjoy it.’ Same with me. Remarkable career and no time to enjoy it.”
Castro. Mandela. Obama. Bush. Reagan. Kennedy. She’s done them all. But can she TiVo? No. Know how to drive? No.
You think about house cleaning. Her home has sit-down service for 50. Closets overflow with unworn outfits. Gotten blonder, added more trinkets. Her files date to travels with First Lady Jackie Kennedy. “Sarah Lawrence requested my transcripts and edit notes. But they can’t have them because I never kept them.”
Barbara’s been offered other shows. She’s been offered radio. Doesn’t want it. “In the old days, a head of state was a coup. Today it’s ratings. And audiences would rather hear about movie stars. Today murderers have agents plus lawyers who themselves have agents. I don’t want to go after those big gets anymore.”
In these 50-plus years, she ever been scared?
“Never. Absolutely no fears ever. Even today my only worries or indecisions are making up my mind should I wear the green dress or the blue?”
Not even nervous when she brought Egypt’s Anwar Sadat and Israel’s Menachem Begin together?
“No. Actually, it was Begin who said to Sadat: ‘Do this for Barbara.’ ”
And her worst interviews? “Always the comedians.”
Barbara created “The View.” Rejuiced Meredith Vieira’s career. Jazzed up Joy Behar’s television presence. Gave a shot to Rosie O’Donnell and Star Jones. Repositioned Whoopi Goldberg. Immortalized Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
And been my friend longer than many people live.
CAROLINE Kennedy, Obama’s almost ambassador to Japan, suddenly updated her attorney registration. Heretofore the Office of Court Administration listed her registration as lapsed. New York’s 166,000 attorneys must re-register every two years with a $375 fee. Her future Excellency just sent in $750 covering both periods that passed since she registered in December ’08.
OLIVIA Culpo, Miss Universe, is from that global paradise Rhode Island.
“I didn’t expect to win. I’d studied acting, was trying to find my way, then I looked at Halle Berry, who did pageants.
“Nobody in my family ever watched this contest. My parents play cello and Bach. They’re musicians. They were upset. Mom was embarrassed. She’d worked her whole life to get onstage. I had to beg for help with the entrance-fee payment. She said, ‘No way.’ After a struggle and a few tears, I finally negotiated with dad. My parents looked at me like I’m crazy.
“Then, walking onstage in my gown, I tripped, got a sprain and missed an entrance. Also, my $20 Rent the Runway interview dress was too short, had a hole and a melted chocolate stain on my butt. Not good. I had to mail it back next day.
“I watched my family, in the front row, the whole time. From the stage I mouthed, ‘Was that OK?’ and my mother mouthed back, ‘Yeah.’ ”
Boyfriend?
“No.”
So after all this, what?
“Not sure what I major in, but I’ll get my degree at Boston U, go to California, where we have a summer house, and work my tail off. I did a little bit in the movie ‘Ted.’ It’s two weeks competing against girls with all language barriers, and everyone’s tired and wants to go home, but the pageant does teach you walking, posture and interview technique.
“I’m the first Miss USA to win in 15 years. Last was Brook Lee from Hawaii.”
IN a cafe: “TV advertises so many breath fresheners. Please. If your dentist disappears and sends in a canary, you know it’s time to change your mouthwash.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.