Photos

Tween-gasm at The 2009 Teen Choice Awards

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Last night, the 2009 Teen Choice Awards were held in Los Angeles and every star under the age of 30 -- or trying to appeal to that demo -- stepped out in style. Well, the girls put on a good fashion show, the men were clearly content to let their Converse do the talking. The night's biggest coup was getting Britney Spears to show up and accept the Ultimate choice Award.

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Although something funky happened to her weave between the red carpet and the stage. But as the kids say, whatevs!

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Normally I loathe this lady, but I was kinda digging Miley Cyrus, who presented Britney with the surfboard award, on the red carpet. Her chips, dips, chains, whips ensemble called to mind the hotness of Lisa from "Weird Science."

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Then she made this face and I hated her again.

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Then, as if sensing that tide had turned against her, Miley climbed atop a stripper pole centric ice cream cart for her performance. Yes parents, this is who your kids look up to because Miley took home six awards last night.

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Speaking of strippers , Vanessa Hudgens had kisses for everyone last night! Oh, wait, maybe I'm out of the loop. This must be the cool new dance all the kids are doing -- like the modern day sprinkler!

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Elsewhere, Vanessa's boyfriend Zac Efron made a point of meeting his favorite stars...

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Zac to Chace Crawford:"Oh wow, it is like looking in a mirror!"

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Ellen DeGeneres to Zac:"Oh wow, it is like looking in a mirror!"

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Hayden Panettiere to Zac:"Seriously, this is your girlfriend?"

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Before she chastised Zac for her choice of partner, Hayden brought her sexy back to the red carpet, flaunting her new tattoo -- which is spelled incorrectly , FYI.

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New looks abounded on the red carpet, where Kim Kardashian showed up as a blonde...

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Jordana Brewster showed up as an anorexic...

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Kathy Griffin showed up as Bristol Palin (I could die over the fact she brought Levi Johnston as her date. Honestly, brilliance never sleeps in the Griffin house!)...

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And Kristen Stewart showed up as someone who smiles!

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But don't worry, Kristen's skirt expressed her true feelings about the tween-tastic event.

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Speaking of "Twilight," three of the vampy Cullen clan -- Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson and Jackson Rathbone -- lined up in descending order of hotness.

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I can't figure out if Taylor Lautner was absent from the previous pic because he would have tipped the sexy scales or because standing next to 6' 1" Kellan would have made 5' 10" Taylor look like a midg.

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Fret not, Taylor found a height appropriate amigo -- Chace Crawford!

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In fact, all the "Twilight" kids made friends last night. Robert made his way towards oft-rumored love Megan Fox when both won awards for being Choice Hotties.

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Megan, who couldn't be bothered to walk the red carpet, also couldn't be bothered to smile all night long.

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Megan wasn't alone in her A-list abhorrence of the red carpet. Hugh Jackman, whose "Wolverine" prequel, picked up a surfboard for Choice Movie Action Adventure only showed up to accept the award ... and sweat a bit.

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Ditto for Diaz. Cameron's movie, "My Sister's Keeper," won the Choice Summer Movie, Drama surfboard. Can we talk about how specific these categories are for a second?

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My favorite random one is Choice Parental Unit, which went to Billy Ray Cyrus. A man who displayed an admiral amount of maturity for a tween centric award show. "Yo guys, check this out, this surfboard's like my giant penis." Billy Ray is like a Will Ferrell skit come to life.

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Some of the other categories make sense, like Choice TV villain, which went to Ed Westwick.

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Leighton Meester took home Choice TV Actress for her work as Blair on "Gossip Girl," which also won Choice TV Show, Drama.

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The Jonas Brothers -- who are like the best sharers, ever -- split the Choice TV Actor award for their work on "Jonas." Not gunna lie, it's starting to look like Joe has a wet mop on his head.

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Thankfully -- and ever so oddly -- Mike Tyson played barber and cut Joe's hair during the show. Huh???

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I know, isn't it hilarious, Selena Gomez? Mike Tyson cut. his. hair. I can't deal either.

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And to wrap things up, a few sexy snaps I couldn't seamlessly weave into the storytelling. Ashley Tisdale!

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Jordin Sparks and her near wardrobe malfunction!

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Lea Michele! One month till "Glee!"

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Alexis Bledel and her insanely blue eyes!

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And last, but by no means least, my girl Kristen Bell! The 2009 Teen Choice Awards air tonight at 8 p.m. on Fox!