Things you must know: Hugh Jackman’s apartment has the world’s absolute best guest john. The room’s scented with perfume. Has music. The toilet seat’s square.
Self-flushing. No rattling around hunting the handle. Just inch your parts away, and it does its thing. Also, and here’s the best: The whole roll of toilet tissue? All black. I mean, that’s about as nice a can experience as you could get. A pleasure to have to go.
More. Petraeus. Whose extramarital itch reduced the general’s importance to that of a corporal is looking to climb back up the VIP ladder. The rung he’s newly clutching onto is the old familiar one. His wife. His ex chickadee’s ancient news — did her book, did her interviews and she’s now done, as over as Obama’s next selfie with that blond Danish prime minister. The general showed at the Historical Society event. Ditto
Mme. Petraus, currently sticking closer to hubby’s chest than his battle ribbons.
More. America’s forming health plan will pay, said one medical intern, $21 per visit. So where’s the big bucks coming from? Take one cluster of high-ranking Arab ladies at a cosmetic dermatologist’s office. Slaves preceding their entrance announced “Her Highness’ imminent arrival.” After Botox infusions, they planned to shop in NYC four days. One asked the doc: “We only have $200,000 in cash on us. Is that enough for Barneys?”
Kicking up a fuss, then & now
Kick Kennedy, RFK’s granddaughter, grabbed the lead in the Theatre of the Church of Notre Dame’s (near Columbia U) production of “Antigone.”
I harbor a memory of Robert F. Kennedy’s eldest, Kathleen, then Maryland’s lieutenant governor, also nicknamed “Kick.” It was about ’95. A Democratic event in Chicago. David Dinkins introduces us. It’s a hot sweltering summer’s day.
I’d packed everything cool. Staring at my not brand-new but smart red and white polka-dot suit, this so-called politician, steeped in politesse, says to me: “My God, you still wearing that dress? I once had the same thing, but I threw it out years ago.”
She deserved the nickname “Kick.”
Odds & ends
Michael Salem does transvestite wardrobe. CBS-TV’s “Blue Bloods” requested drag-queen breast forms, cinchers and padding. Same time came NBC’s “SNL” request for female high heels in size 15 . . . Martina Navratilova’s live-in Julia Lemigova starting a cosmetic line. Martina told me: “Not quite ready yet. She’s lining up possibilities for later this year.” . . . WEST 56th’s great Italian restaurant Patsy’s, famous even before it was Sinatra’s hangout, still SRO. The other freezing 9:30p.m. they barely found me a table . . . It was same warm night Jimmy Connors was walking his dogs on E. Valley Road in Montecito . . . From Sandra Bernhard: “My role model and heroine was Mary Tyler Moore.”
How it’s done
“GLEE’s” Jane Lynch on her Trevor Hero Award, which honors intervention to LGBT teens: “Like to say I’m not a hero, but I can’t. I deserve this freakin’ award.” . . . How to stay skinny. Zooey Deschanel spooning in chicken paillard and warm lentil salad at LA’s Bouchon . . . Pink, whose Australian tour got stuffed animals thrown onstage: “I saved all of that to give my daughter for Christmas.”My Dec. 8 Blessing of the Animals. Christ Church seats 600, but standees and filled balcony numbered almost 800. Near the altar a huge St. Bernard laid himself flat. Placed on its back, my 3 ¹/₂ pound Yorkie Juicy thought it was a pillow. Comm. Ray Kelly asked why this St. Bernard hadn’t the usual flask of brandy or rum? Said the owner: “He’s tapering off.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.