I know Kathie Lee Gifford forever. During this whole forever she’s been writing books and songs about the life of ’20s and ’30s evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson. This B’way musical, titled “Scandalous,” finally opens Nov. 15 at the Neil Simon.
“I first heard about her in college 40 years ago,” said Kathie. “In the ’70s, I saw her temple in LA. Along the line I dated one of her husbands’ grandsons, who told stories about her. I became fascinated. I’ve so far written 10 musicals about her. This one’s taken 12 years.
“A problem was so much to tell. Kidnapped twice by the Ku Klux Klan. Death threats. Three husbands. Sex with Anthony Quinn. Breach of promise suit. Second woman to be granted a broadcast license, she preached on radio, with the Salvation Army, to a congregation of just her dolls. She founded the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel, was a missionary in China, held revivals in tents, boxing rings, five services a day to overflow crowds of 30,000.
“1917 she began her own magazine and shouted the Gospel from a Packard emblazoned with religious signs. Outrageous, a divorced woman in the pulpit, Charlie Chaplin’s friend, she fought the mob and prostitution. She baptized Marilyn Monroe. She gave sermons in fig leaves with Garden of Eden animals. She said, ‘I’m giving people what they want.’ She transformed America.
“She had a botched hysterectomy. Seven operations. She was addicted to drugs. She died, overdose of barbiturates, at age 54 on Oct. 9, 1944. Her two children died, independently, at age 96. When I started dating my husband, Frank, he said at 12 years old he attended her services with his shipyard-worker father.”
During Kathie’s fast breath, I asked would family members be at the opening?
“Aimee’s daughter married a Jewish violinist. Her grandchildren will be there.”
ANCIENT wisdom from the writings of Seymour Confucius: “For every man who wears a camel’s-hair coat, there’s a camel running around naked.”
REPUBLICANS listen to Kenny Chesney, Kelly Clarkson, Reba McEntire. Dems hark to one-namers Rihanna, Madonna, Gaga. I don’t know why. They just do . . . Halloween’s coming. The Candy Factory once got a cease-and-desist from Evander Holyfield’s lawyer for selling “chewed” chocolate ears called “Earvander-Tyson Bites.” It violated the chomp champ’s trademark.
ROBERT Duvall: “I’m a late late bloomer. Real late. Until they wipe the drool off me, I’m going to keep trying.” . . . Which brings up Michael Douglas’ “Nice thing about getting older is you learn to make decisions without desperation.” . . . And there’s Cicely Tyson’s: “Doesn’t matter how you age. Black women don’t crack.”
PRESIDENTIAL election time. May the candidates know “George Washington’s Rules of Civility” exist. The handbook’s Rule 32: “To one your equal, or not much inferior, you are to give the chief place in your lodging.” And this person should “accept, though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.”
Rule 29. “When you meet with one of greater quality than yourself, retire, especially if it be at a door . . . to give way for him to pass.”
Rules 73-75. “Think before you speak. Nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly . . . When another speaks, be attentive yourself and disturb not the audience . . . interrupt not nor answer until his speech be ended . . . Take precaution not to draw off the attention of his listeners . . . listen favourably and attentively, without turning your eyes aside . . . above all, do not interrupt, and reply, in no way until he has finished.”
76. “Do not point your finger at the person you are speaking to . . . especially not near his face.” 78. “Abstain from drawing comparisons between different persons.” 79. “Be not apt to relate rumors of events . . . In repeating such things, do not mention your authority.”
OK, guys? Pay attention. Even without Jim Lehrer, Martha Raddatz, Candy Crowley or Bob Schieffer, leave us remember George did nicely. After all, he landed on our dollar bill. That’s more than Carter or Quayle did.
LADIES Gaga and Hannah Montana the top Halloween kid costumes according to Everloop.com . . . At the Princess Grace event her son His Sereness the Highness Prince Albert said: “I miss my mother. I loved her. I wish she was here with me right now.” . . . Ke$ha’s done an illustrated photo scrapbook and journal, “My Crazy Beautiful Life.” Touchstone publishes it Nov. 20. Tells how a young kid from Tennessee popped into the pop world.
ANOTHER little Chase Bank hiccup. Dorothy Draper & Co. issued a typed check for $37,952.11. The numerals were typed in. The amount in words were typed in. The check was cashed — without a signature. The company’s famous designer Carleton Varney sent me its Xerox with the handwritten note: “Amazing . . . no signature . . . Chase is trying to tell us in what bank it was cashed. But it had no signature. Nobody ever signed it.”
MADISON Avenue Baptist Church on 31st Street. This sign: “Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.