Where’s Waldo? I don’t know. Where’s A-Rod? This weekend, this I don’t know, either.
Could be Europe. Heading to Europe. Thinking of Europe. Or hoping to be, organizing to be, intending to be, wanting to be in Europe. How’s even returning — who knows — possibly from Europe.
I know only that all humankind leak — and the one I heard was:
It’s Thanksgiving. School’s out. Family, happy, gratitude time. He wanted out of town. Didn’t want getting stuck here. His plan? Whisk the daughters abroad for the weekend. He was rushing to get out.
The leak contained this tiny droplet: Maybe his storming out, talking tough, etc., was a ruse. A reason he was P.O.’d was because hustling to take the kids to holiday with happy pappy.
Could be he didn’t go. Changed his mind. Or is hiding under the dugout, I don’t know. Or could be my leaker needs to see a urologist.
I know only, if true, has he blown so much on lawyers that he’s flying three-across economy class? On points? A supersaver coach ticket you can’t change? His frequent flier mileage is about to explode along with his private planes and Yankee contract?
If he isn’t talking turkey, could maybe be he’s talking foie gras?
Members of his tribe who talk out of both sides of their wallet will say I’m stupid. Dumb. A jerk. A dope. I don’t know my A-Rod from a hole in the ground.
OK. Agreed. But my ears are as big as their mouths.
Meeting of legal minds
Wait. Give me a chance. I know more things. Like how Florida’s Mark O’Mara — who successfully defended George Zimmerman on the Trayvon Martin shooting but now seems unable to live the rest of his life successfully — is getting advice. As you’ve read, a wife Zimmerman doesn’t need. A gun he needs. O’Mara’s mumbled on TV how the Trayvon case traumatized Zimmerman etc., etc.
So, now, who does O’Mara download? Barry Slotnick. Last week. China Grill bar. Heavy talk. Remember Slotnick’s famous ’80s defense of Subway Gunman Bernie Goetz? Clear is Slotnick and O’Mara shared heavy cases. Not clear is who picked up the check.
Thankless job
CNN’s Kennedy assassination coverage mentioned Jackie’s famous pink Chanel-like suit was not Chanel but never mentioned my column or the Pulse story about it. So, thank you to the Most Trusted Name in News.
Odds & ends
Nia Vardalos on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking other than a peace pipe: “I’m a Canuck: “I say it proudly, with my crack pipe in hand.” . . . The years-ago Profumo scandal’s opening Dec. 19 in London’s Aldwych Theatre. An Andrew Lloyd Webber musical . . . Jonathan Tisch: “My renovated for $100 mil Regency Hotel officially reopens for its famous Power Breakfast (prep’d by Sant Ambroeus) Jan. 16.”
Get specific
Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s show isn’t precisely right on the Great White Way: “It is not off-Broadway. It is near Broadway.” . . . Katie Couric at the Citymeals-on-Wheels luncheon: “I’m one of the few women here who actually eats.”. . . Orlando Bloom re: working on the NY stage: “It’s every actor’s wet dream.” . . . From a friend: “If there’s no chocolate in heaven, I’m not going.”
42nd and Second. Cabbie gives the famous dreaded phrase: “Where ya goin’?” Like, “I’m going home to Brooklyn, you headed uptown? Forget it.” Or, “Going my way, OK. Otherwise I’m not available.” 3 p.m., Copacabana manager Glee Ballard was en route to the West Side’s Copa. He said: “Can’t take you.” She said: “Where you going?” He said: “The bathroom. I have to pee.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.