Shy, retiring, genteel, soft-spoken Bill Maher, king of HBO’s big-mouth jungle, roars again Nov. 9. Beacon Theatre. A 90-minute right-wing slaughter.
“Democrats aren’t insane. Before the almost shutdown, I was never at a loss for material. Potty-trained old-school Republicans like Ted Cruz wanting to push crazies back in line make it easy for me.
“Their credo is ‘Greed will save us.’ Not what the Founding Fathers envisioned.”
Down, boy. Let’s talk. You’re taping in LA the 8th, flying here just in time for next day’s 8 p.m. performance, right?
“In 20 years on TV, 30 years doing stand-up, I never missed a show. Once, in 2004, airport fog grounded me — but I can’t be responsible for weather.
“For politically correct TV audiences, I can’t be too ‘out there.’ For stand-up I can. I do a good long show. I love it or I wouldn’t drag my ass into New York. No encores because that’s bulls - - t. Stand-up’s not cheap. No dancers, no band, no singers so they need to see sweat on your brow. I’m lucky because politics always changes, so the act always evolves and I can be raw and mean in a theater.
“I’ll mention Weiner, whose penis looks average to me and, actually, New Yorkers deserve better. His typing and masturbating? Please. I associate typing with term papers. And sending pictures of the thing is like before buying a high-end leather wallet you want photos to imagine stroking it.
“I’ll also touch on the soda limits in this town, which means mentioning Mayor Bloomberg, the Gwyneth Paltrow of politics.”
Before the blood runs dry, early next morning smart Maher is on a plane out.
‘Betrayal’ hotshot speaks to me
Ethel Barrymore Theatre. “Betrayal.” [Reviewed in Pulse, Page 30.] Harold Pinter, playwright. Mike Nichols, director. Daniel Craig and the missus Rachel Weisz, stars. So hot that one night before it opened waiting theatergoers lined the block. Opening night celebs that shows often invite free paid $500 per. Two seats — $1,000. No discounts.
As Saturday night’s performance ended, standing alone at the head of the aisle — Mike Nichols. “This production was a very long time coming together. Didn’t just come about the last minute. First the idea then a reading, then workshop, then we dropped it a while then we picked it up again. Like many plays I’ve done, things just take a long time.”
As the audience filed out behind him, I left hotshot Nichols standing there. Grinning like a Cheshire.
Gerry on film
“Geraldine Ferraro: Paving the Way” screens 1:30 Nov. 17 at West 23rd’s School of Visual Arts Theatre. Afterward documentarian daughter Donna conducts a Q&A. Widower John: “Be nice for Gerry to have familiar and friendly faces in the audience.” . . . Celine Dion on her new album “Loved Me Back to Life’s” lower register: “I’m using my bedroom voice. I really need a drink to do it.”
Going on
TV’s “Extra,” Thursday night, Mario Lopez pronounced a movie house a tryplex . . . B’way’s “Big Fish” dunking its critics. Friday’s Neil Simon Theatre was packed . . . Nov. 6 Justice Antonin Scalia, one of our Supremes, at Yeshiva. Subject? “Synagogue and State in America.” . . . Talk of interesting names. Rising US tennis player is Tornado Alicia Black.
Dental dish
Dr. Marc Lazare, my dentist, one of two NYC-certified instructors in new biomimetic dentistry: “Biomimetics, meaning ‘to mimic life,’ reduces needing implants, bridges, crowns, bonding, grinding, root-canal treatments, silver mercury or tooth-colored fillings by utilizing bio-compatible materials that mimic enamel’s elasticity.”
What that means, I don’t know, but he swears it’s the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
***
Petco. Second Avenue. East 30s. A man bought organic dog treats. Then ate them at the checkout counter. Word is they’re tasty and people eat dog biscuits as a healthy treat. So, shove the french fries. Try the Alpo with Bolognese.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.